Why The Older You Are, The More You Hate Everyone
Fortunately, there are ways to enjoy the company of other people once again.
Dubasyk / Shutterstock I used to be one of those girls who was absolutely desperate to be popular, have friends, and be around people. As I get older, I've realized that I've turned into a grumpy, crotchety lady who really doesn't want to be around people.
But is that normal?
"Generally, people become more emotionally stable, agreeable, and conscientious as they leave their youth behind," says Jenn Granneman, author of The Secret Lives of Introverts. "They also become quieter and more self-contained, needing less socializing and excitement to be happy."
According to Christine Vargo, CDWF, LCSW, a helpful reason for this is explained in Susan Cains' "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking." The excerpt states, "If the task of the first half of life is to put yourself out there, the task of the second half is to make sense of where you’ve been."
We learn to understand our needs for social interactions and behaviors more aligned with going out, seeking exciting and new experiences shifts as we grow more mature in age, which speaks to what Psychologists refer to as "intrinsic maturation," says Vargo.
If you find yourself wondering why you hate everyone, especially as you get older, more often than not you aren't alone — and there are actual reasons why it's happening.
Here are 15 reasons why you hate everyone the older you get.
1. The older you get, the more often people have let you down.
All those Disney songs about having friends who never disappoint you or bail on you clearly haven't taken into account the majority of the human race.
By the time that you're 20, you've probably been dealt major blows by people you never thought would hurt you, and that makes you really jaded, which makes you hate people.
2. You're burnt out.
Even if you're working your dream job, as a society we've become overwhelmed by seemingly never-ending to-do lists. It's all too easy to forget to take time to yourself to recoup, which can quickly lead to burnout.
Some of the symptoms of burnout include exhaustion and a lack of interest in the things you used to love, including other people. And once you're burnt out, it can take up to three to five years to recover.
According to Vargo, in order to avoid burnout, you should spend time with those who bring you the most joy and pleasure, and doing that means you can "prevent the possibilities of toxic relationships that suck your energy and contribute to compounded resentment. Boundaries are integral in any relationship! As you learn more about knowing and naming what you want, let go of feeling responsible for the feelings of others, and live from a place of understanding your 'full yes'; you will be less angry."
3. You learn over time that people ruin the coolest things.
Ever notice how it only takes one stupid person's actions to ruin a good thing? Ever notice how many good things get ruined this way? This is why we can't have awesome things: stupid people.
4. You find that most people you meet are boring.
Their entire lives revolve around things that aren't important. They don't really make you think about anything in particular. They are boring, and there's a certain point where boring becomes a reason not to talk to them.
If I do hang out with people, I want them to have a real spark inside them, and that just doesn't really happen too often.
5. You discover that 99% of the people you meet are fake.
I hate the fact that most people I've met can't talk about how they really feel, what they're really going through, or what they honestly think about you.
At the end of the day, most people will sugarcoat things that shouldn't be sugarcoated, and most people won't tell you the full truth, even if it's an absolute necessity.
6. You realize that dealing with people's drama is exhausting.
I'd rather watch TV. The drama is more entertaining and it won't negatively affect me.
7. You become more introverted as you age.
As you get older, you don't want to go out as much or meet a lot of new people and go to parties. You also might have more negative feelings about meeting new people as you age.
According to a 2000 study, this is a natural part of getting older, as the personality traits of extraversion and openness lessen.
8. Your tolerance for people judging you and telling you what to do shrinks to zero.
People always love to get angry when you don't live the way they want you to live.
I'm too old to have people judge me, try to control me, or tell me how to live my life. Shouldn't others be more worried about their lives instead?
9. The longer you've been alive, the worse people treat you, in general.
When you're a kid, everyone coos at you and coddles you. When you're a teenager, everyone hates you. When you're an adult, everyone hates you and expects you to do stuff for them.
10. You have more empathy for animals than humans.
According to a 2017 study, humans actually care more about dogs than they do humans. That might be why I prefer to drink wine with my cats.
11. There's a certain point where you can't deal with people's shallow behavior.
Knowing how shallow people really are made me really worn out when it came to talking to people. I don't want to bother with people who would discard me based on how much I weigh, what I wear, or how I look.
12. You're depressed.
While some symptoms of depression are well known, such as fatigue and sadness, another sign of depression is hate.
Research has shown that depressed people are more likely to want to withdraw from social situations because they have more trouble dealing with hate than people who are not depressed.
13. Hating people can strengthen existing friendships.
While some people may bond over having things in common like hobbies or careers, others bond over pure hatred. In fact, research has shown that people become closer when they share hate for someone rather than positive feelings.
14. It's harder to manage stress as you get older.
When you get older, the more things that you do in life and obligations or workload and family life might all add up on top of each other, making you very stressed. Throughout time, stress can actually become more difficult to overcome and it can turn to anger.
15. As you get older, you might develop social anxiety.
You might become more anxious as you grow older. Going out and meeting new people can become more of an anxious thing the less you do it.
Sometimes it comes to a point where you have so much social anxiety in social situations that you can't or don't want to meet people or go out anymore.
How do you enjoy the company of others again as you get older?
As you get older, you might have to battle increasing social anxiety. This can become a problem because you tend to not enjoy the company of others.
1. Find comfort in loved ones.
In order to change that, you need to ask for help when overcoming social anxiety so you can enjoy the company of others again.
According to Vargo, as we get older we learn the power of discernment in choosing how and with whom we spend our time.
"The process of developing self-trust and moving away from the constant concerns related to what others might think of us creates space for us to choose the people in our lives that bring us joy or allow us to expand and grow. This is in contrast to our experiences in early adolescence and young adulthood, which is typically mired in behaviors that are externally driven," she says.
If you're not feeling good about it and you have a spouse, your partner can help you talk about your feelings. They can let you talk it out with them and help you step out of your comfort zone. You could also talk to family members as they are also always there to help you.
2. Be mindful of how you're living your life.
Health coach Dr. Sy Powell says that aging is living. She recommends flipping the script from the constant negative ageist perspective on aging and instead of saying you're growing old, you should say that you're living longer.
"That way we get to affect the outcome of how we age by being mindful of how we are living our lives," says Dr. Powell.
3. Stay active.
According to Dr. Powell, if you're healthy in your old age, you can affect your happiness in a positive way.
"Our health and fitness is the keystone piece to a strong, long-lived, productive life. How you age is key. Studies show that after age 40, our muscle mass decreases over time by 4% to 8%, making balance difficult and falls more likely," Dr. Powell adds.
If you're staying physically active, connected to others, and engaged in meaningful activities then you will be a happier person as you get older.
4. Seek professional advice.
You can also change your mindset through the help of a therapist or mental health professional, as they can give you proper advice and guidance. Over time, you'll be able to become more comfortable with others' company the more you ease into it and change your mindset for good.
Vargo recommends therapy to receive 100% support and feedback from someone whose only intention is to offer a safe, confidential space within which to explore and know oneself.
"An effective therapist will not only support the process of shifting your mindset with how to navigate the daily challenges of life, she/he/they will also provide space for clients to deepen their understanding and awareness of the patterns that are no longer serving them," Vargo suggests. "With this new awareness, clients can make a conscious choice about whether to shift their patterns or behaviors."
If you or someone you know is dealing with depression, call SAMHSA's National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) for free, confidential, 24/7/365 treatment referral and information. For free and confidential emotional support, call 800-273-TALK, no matter what problems or type of stress you’re dealing with.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, New Theory Magazine, and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.