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How did we get here? When did we all become so f*cking selfish?
By Andrea Wesley — Written on Jul 21, 2016
If you're single like I am in 2016, you've probably done your fair share of pulling your hair out and have fought off the temptations to stab yourself in the eye with your salad fork, because sh*t just keeps getting even more ridiculous. Just when I think that dating can't get any worse in our generation, it takes a mischievous look into my eyes and says, “Ha, watch this.” More insanity ensues.
There's a long list of reasons why dating in 2016 makes me want to jump off the Empire State Building, but one thing really stands out. It's not just the ghosting, the almost relationships, the constant and revolving door or rejection. It's not just the commitment phobias, the rampant need for meaningless sex, the dick pics, and the never-ending head games.
Dating makes me want to die these days because it seems like no one has any sense of accountability anymore.
We're no longer accountable for how someone feels when we've decided we no longer want to pursue the relationship. Instead, we dive into avoidance and dismissal as if awakening feelings within someone for us isn't our responsibility.
We don't need to end things thoughtfully anymore; we can simply disappear. We can turn into ghosts without submitting to death, and we can leave someone we pretended to care for completely in the dark as to where or what went wrong.
We're no longer accountable for thoughtful action and instead feel a sense of entitlement about what we should be getting. It's all about the take and less about the give. It's all about what we as individuals deserve. The take is what makes our hearts tick faster and our sexual urges pulse deeper.
We don't give a sh*t what we're not doing, we only care about what the person we're dating isn't doing because we feel like we deserve the world on a silver platter without bringing our own elegance to the table.
We're no longer accountable for our own rejections. Blame is placed on everyone and anyone who fails to satisfy our journeys. It's his fault. It's her fault. The problem is men. The problem is women, but surely the problem is never us.
We're never accountable for our own footprints on our dating paths. We don't accept that perhaps we seek the wrong type or partner or are perpetually attracted to jerks or gold diggers, and we rummage through a sea of options, with the same ending story. It wasn't us, it was them.
How did we get here? When did we all become so f*cking selfish?
Dating in 2016 has never been more tiring. Instead of the classic acts of meeting someone amazing who we shared the same moral compass with, a mutual attraction and a commitment to spend time growing with, we tip toe from one to the next in quick succession, but we always have one foot out of the water. Diving in is rare, terrifying and sometimes avoided completely.
I'm sick of the head games and the absolute agony that comes with trying to find someone special to share the beauty and weight of life with. Why is it so hard? How have we made this process so difficult?
Instead of taking chances, we're avoiding opportunities, hoping that a better one comes along. We're all stuck in this endless cycle of want, want, want, and have forgotten about true and honest needs. Something better is coming. Someone better is out there. Upgrade, upgrade, upgrade. There's always an upgrade.
We treat dating partners like iPhones and recycle the old models for a minor enhancement. Less baggage, a better career, a prettier set of eyes, a nicer car and the list is endless. We find what we want and what suits our needs, and someone who is perfectly suited to stand by us for the rest of our days but as soon as something better shows up and is within our reach, we jump ship.
Our wants and needs suddenly change. We're not consistent. We're not vulnerable anymore. We're not even accountable for our own stupidity.
If only we all took a minute to start accepting accountability in this screwed up dating culture and started offering real compassion and empathy when we've destroyed someone's hopes in attempts at satisfying our own. If only we could accept our own accountability and looked at ourselves when bed-hopping, and how our avoidance of feelings leaves a dark trail of emptiness behind us.
If we became more accountable for our own behaviors and started acting like decent f*cking adults again, maybe, just maybe, we could hate dating a lot less.
Until a miracle takes place, for now, dating makes me want to die.