A Plea To Women Everywhere: Please, PLEASE Don't Settle

Photo: iStock

Just because you have a warm body to sleep next to at night doesn't mean you're fulfilled.

I know loneliness is hard, and often, when it steeps over time it starts to turn into that awful, uncomfortable terror of never finding anyone to share your life with that breeds desperation.

Nobody likes feeling desperate for companionship; it's our natural inclination to try to rectify that feeling as soon as we can. Plus, there's this whole antiquated social stigma on being single, as if being in a relationship validates your worth as an individual.

Contending with the reminders that you haven't found a partner is just adding flame to your desperation fire. The whole thing feels gross and insufferable.


But nothing feels more lonely and self-defeating than being in a relationship that doesn't help you flourish as an individual. A good relationship should challenge you in ways that make you grow and develop your strengths, but also bring you joy and companionship through your own personal storms.

Just because you have a warm body to sleep next to at night doesn't automatically mean you're fulfilled, and you shouldn't waste any time trying to convince yourself that you "should be happy just to be with someone!" when you know in your heart that you're not thriving with the partner you have.

Conversely, as Aziz Ansari describes in detail in his book Modern Romance, these days, it's hard to know whether or not you've found someone who is "good enough" when there are so many options readily available to peruse just by swiping right.


Admittedly, you may have found someone who is great but are left wondering, "Yeah, this person makes my heart soar and lifts me up unconditionally, but is there someone even better that I'm just not trying?"

Look, ultimately, the only things any of us needs is a partner who respects us, gives us both their attention and freedom to live our lives authentically, is honest and considerate, and who loves us exactly as we are without trying to change us.


Oh, and said person should bring you joyful moments in far greater proportion than difficult ones. If that doesn't describe you or your partner, then you're settling, and you owe it to both of you to get out of the relationship and find someone who is a better fit for both of you.



Explore YourTango