Don't sweat the small stuff, do sweat boob-related heat rash.
It’s time to talk about underboob sweat. That’s right, this is happening, people.
(I mean, if I’m real, I would also like to talk about swamp ass, but that is another article for another day.)
Straight men tend to romanticize the arrival of summer. What they see when they walk out of the door is a veritable feast for the eyes. We womenfolk float about in barely-there summer sun dresses, ethereal goddesses one and all.
But we know the truth, and it’s soaking our bras, making us wet enough to double as a very short Slip 'n' Slide.
It’s great that human bodies sweat! What a wonderful way to keep cool, what a miracle of biology.
We can’t stop our bodies from sweating. At least, not without, you know, some serious dead-making side effects.
But that doesn’t mean we have to suffer in sweaty silence.
1. Tampons and/or sanitary napkins
Menstrual hygiene products, they aren’t just for your uterine lining anymore! Jam a couple of tamps under there! Pads are a great option for those also looking to grab a little bit of a titty-boost.
2. Ice Cubes
This won’t beat your moisture issue, but when it comes to cooling down underboob sweat is no match for the application of a little ice. Plus you get to pretend you are in some sort of erotic film, probably a French one.
3. Climb Mount Everest
It is very cold on Mount Everest. Plus, if you climb it and survive you will have accomplished something pretty cool to talk to people about at cocktail parties. Also if you die future climbers will use your body as a landmark and that’s pretty fly.
4. Apply Deodorant
I mean in a pinch this can be helpful, but I’ll be real, nothing makes a body feel more disgusting than peeling off your bra at the end of a long hot sweaty day and looking down to discover and old-lady smelling milk mustache gracing your underboob region. There’s just no coming back from that.
People who don’t like cats clearly have never put one beneath their boobs to sop up excess moisture that occurs during the hottest days of the year. Make sure the cat in question is very deeply asleep, very friendly, or possibly stuffed. The only thing worse than underboob sweat, is underboob cat scratches constantly being sweated upon.
How do you keep your underboob sweat under wraps during the summer swelter? Let a girl know!