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Get him done AND your taxes!
By Rebecca Jane Stokes — Written on Jun 05, 2016
If you’re looking to board the Penis Express making stops to Pound Town by way of Oh-My-Godsville, there are many different sex positions you can try.
I don’t care how vanilla it sounds, I love me some old fashioned missionary.
Pulling up my legs and resting them on my partner’s shoulders is the equivalent of adding cinnamon to a chocolate cake recipe. Everybody is all like, “oh wow, what did you do this is so special?!” and you’re like “It’s just cinnamon, bitches, ha ha ha ha.”
But I digress. There are multiple sexy-time positions for a reason. We have been taught that they exist for a variety of reasons. Some say that certain sex positions increase emotional intimacy. Others, that they inject some much needed heat into sexual encounters that have become routine.
I, for one, think that we are overlooking a critical reason for getting our bang on in more than one position: Multitasking.
1. Doggy Style
Not only does this feel exceptional and really help you focus on building up your biceps, but doggy style is an ideal position for cumming AND sorting through your spam folder to make sure you have not missed any choice coupons.
2. The Cowgirl
Mounting your man doesn’t just give him a break and put you in the ultimate position of power. Riding it in Cowgirl is also an ideal posture for quickly spot-checking those easy-to-miss room corners prone to gathering dust and (heaven forbid) spiders. Advanced technique: Actually hop on pop with a Swiffer in hand to dust pre-orgasm.
3. Spooning
This one is not for amateurs. It’s damn tricky to do well due to lack of torque. But if you can manage it the world is your oyster. Enjoy the benefits of sexy time while also reading a book or doing light novelty needlework projects.
4. Face to Face
This seated posture not only strengthens your core, but also allows couples to be fastidious about blackhead removal and moisturizing troublesome dry patches. This is also a good time to ask your partner uncomfortable questions as breaking eye contact and/or actual escape is nigh on impossible.
5. 69
This position is already doing double duty (as it were). But I promise, you have only begun to scratch the surface of the stuff you can do in this position. First of all, discreet TV watching is absolutely on the table. This is also a great sex position if you are planning on working up a killer tan for the summer months and have no issue with 69-ing on the beach in front of god and someone's mom (Note: Guys, don't do this. You will get mad arrested). I am sad to report that the old adage of “Wine, dine, 69” has been proven to be a fallacy as both wining and dining are exceptionally difficult to manage in this sex position.
Now go forth, and in the immortal words of Elvis Presley, take care of business! (It works because there are levels.)
