Not even kidding...
Once upon a time — it really makes no difference when — I discovered that I was being cheated on.
Like most women who haven't been cheated on (yet), I never imagined it would happen to me. And it took me some serious work not to blame myself for someone else's bad choices.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say that a lot of those other women (who by now HAVE been cheated on as well) probably feel that same way.
Screw it, I’m going to go a step further and venture that maybe even some men feel that way too. Because the subject of cheating hits both sides. Research says it might even happen at an equal rate … maybe.
The thing is, I like and have empathy for both Hillary Clinton AND Monica Lewinsky. Here’s why.
If I’m going to be completely honest, I can still relate to a young Monica Lewinsky having been attracted to the most powerful man in the world. I can’t even imagine how f*cking exciting it must have been to enter into that delicious little dance.
I also can’t even imagine how much pain she's had to endure since it went downhill.
And according to her recent interview with The Guardian, it's something she still struggles to recover from.
I remember being a young juicy thing and being hit on by married men.
As a child of divorce, with a father who was never near, now being propositioned by men who were already spoken for ... I'm not gonna lie, that was emotionally pretty damn satisfying.
I never fully went there, though, because I grew up witnessing the pain my mother went through. She was completely devastated by my father’s wandering eye.
So even though I might’ve fantasized and touched myself in the darkness of the barely furnished studio apartment of my youth after an offer, I was never going to be a part of another’s woman’s pain.
(Alright in full disclosure, I did meet a fella once and learned he was married after the fact. I ended it immediately, but not before closing it out with some sweet, old fashioned, forbidden good-bye sex. What can I tell you? I’m human.)
Now, as a grown ass woman who has experienced the pain of infidelity by someone I loved, I get the anger, the emotional outbursts and/or any conspiracy to lash out at Hillary Clinton for forgiving her husband while remaining angry with his mistress(es), which Donald Trump considers enabling.
Let's face it, that shit cuts deep as a human being.
When your lover, partner, or spouse steps out on you, the particular mix of shame, betrayal and humiliation is just about unbearable, and it makes you act like you're loony-tunes.
One week after I found out I'd been cheated on, I found myself at the mall when I spied two of the dude's friends walking toward me. I panicked, ran into a Bath and Body Works, and hid behind a collection of spring lotions, all to avoid their gaze.
Still to this day when I smell the sweet and fruity scent of Amber Blush lotion, I want to deck a bitch.
If you are a man or woman screwing around with someone you know is in a committed relationship, that shit is on you. You have to expect a little backlash, within reason.
Conversely, if you are the “injured” party, you can’t kill anyone, 'cause from what I hear, prison time is NOT pretty. Them’s the rules.
But let’s be clear. I feel ya, because any form of forbidden sex is usually pretty damn amazing.
Sometimes I think about how society is moving closer to accepting all kinds of different and forbidden sex. Soon nothing will be frowned upon.
Seriously, I feel bad for future generations who won’t get to taste forbidden sex. Ugh (Sad face).
If you're reading this and have never had any form of forbidden sex, you’re just not going to get it. You should probably just move along.
Seriously. Shoo fly, shoo.
It would be like me trying to explain to people that don’t have kids how come those of us that do have kids sometimes fail at parenting. No matter how descriptive I could be about the hardships of parenting and how that causes us to look the other way at times when our kids are being freak shows, you ain’t going to get it, unless you’re in it.
Now turn around and mind your business and let me read my People Magazine— and don’t worry, I’ll tell my kid to stop kicking your seat as soon as the drinks come down the aisle.
So what I’m getting at is this.
I’m at the age where I’ve transgressed and I’ve been the transgress-ee and here’s the thing — we all love for different reasons. We all fuck for different reasons.
And we all (hopefully!) learn constantly throughout our whole lives from the different events that have happened to us, or that we have handed to others.
I'm at the point in my own life where I look back at my bumps without heartbreak. I've forgiven my father for the hurt that he caused my mother, and due to this, I believe I don't even need to forgive the man who cheated on me at all, because he has his journey too.
I'm right where I should be, and they're going the ways they each need to go.
So when I see a 69-year-old man (on his third marriage) accuse a 68-year-old woman of enabling another 69-year-old man by forgiving him, it tells me this is a man that can never learn from his own mistakes, let alone be capable of any kind of genuine forgiveness.
And that’s not a person I want to trust, let alone want to see become President.
For any person who has not only figured out how to forgive someone they still love or once loved, and has that someone still as their biggest advocate — well, that just might be sexy as f*ck!
At least as far as things un-forbidden go ...