If you're considering moving to Canada if Trump becomes president, Maple Match will find you love.
Now that Trump has secured the position of probable GOP nominee now that all sixteen other candidates have dropped out of the race, it’s becoming more and more likely that we may still be admonishing Trump's sexist, racist, misogynistic and xenophobic views within the upcoming year.
And there are more than a few people who aren’t very happy with that.
While searches for “how to move to Canada” rose 1,000 percent on Google after Super Tuesday, it’s not difficult to imagine how high those numbers have climbed now that both Ted Cruz and GOP-favored Senator John Kasich have announced their resignation from the presidential race.
If you, like so many other Americans, fear the tyranny that may come from Donald Trump’s rise to power, don’t worry, because a Canadian dating website has your back.
Maple Match offers to connect your lonely American heart with that of a Canadian partner, just in time for you to escape the scourge and imminent threat of nuclear apocalypse beneath Trump’s reign.
Unfortunately, there's a waiting list right now, so sign up soon because it could be months before you have a match willing to take you in.
Before you find your perfect, ice hockey-loving match in Canada, you should take the time to practice being Canadian. Learn to be polite, since Canadians are some of the nicest people ever, and it was recently voted the second best country in the world.
Also, you’re going to have to forego the lovely taste of American bacon in favor of Canadian ham. If you’re not from a snowy area, practice wearing a parka now and start learning French in case your match speaks only French or lives in an area that does.
You should also get used to seeing more wildlife like moose and badgers, getting great socialized health care, and getting to look at/hear the amazing Justin Trudeau making speeches and appearances on the regular.
Also, some of your money may be maple-syrup scented and melt in heat, so maybe it will encourage you to keep it in your wallet instead of risking sticky gloves.
Find your love (and political refuge) in Canada now!