This kind of woman is direct, passionate and uninhibited.
Whore is his description, not mine, but he meant what he said.
I could visualize the women he was referring to because they overtly pursue him, both sensing each other's energy in the dim lighting of the restaurant's bar. A striking woman would edge her way over toward him — moving closer, then closer still — turning her sensual body toward him, glancing over her shoulder slyly to provoke a response.
Even with my back turned, I could feel her presence. Regardless of how stunning and sexy I looked or how many heads I turned, I was no match for her intense offense. The display would make my stomach drop.
It reminded me that, despite how much we cared for each other, he's a player and I'm not designed for the game.
To be honest, the "whores" intrigue me. They possess a power I lack: the power of promiscuity. Monogamy has its benefits, primarily an exclusive and potentially fulfilling relationship. But do I want to always demand a relationship?
Many times I wish I could be physical with a man and maintain emotional indifference. What a freedom! But it has never been my nature. Flirting, yes. F*cking without getting attached, not so much. Promiscuity is play, no strings attached.
My ex is handsome, powerful and sexual. Plus, he doesn't seem to have deep emotional needs, not the kind a real girlfriend supplies. Toward me, he vacillated between pure kindness and, when his deep urgent need for validation as a "ladies man" became aroused, cool self-absorption.
He warned me: he prefers whores.
I have been around a lot of attractive, rich, powerful men in my life. For many years, I was an executive in Manhattan's fast-paced private equity world, lived in its wealthy suburbs, spent time in India's Bollywood scene, and then moved to fame-driven Los Angeles.
When I was new in my career, I'd wonder why successful men with gorgeous wives, young families, lucrative businesses and admiration galore would risk it all by having obvious or covert trysts. But soon I understood the allure.
1. Power is the utmost aphrodisiac.
People consumed with power experience an adrenaline rush and can become unable to control behaviors. Highly successful men can become overly confident, likelier to take risks and pursue their own needs. They are so driven, so used to getting their needs met, that they start to underestimate risks and can think they are above the law. They don't believe they will get caught.
2. Powerful men often possess very high levels of testosterone and thrive on adrenaline.
These men experience life outside the norm. Their brains work fast and they bore easily. The easiest way to find sex, the better, especially sex without emotional complications. They thrive on extreme novelty and excitement. They want to indulge fantasies, fetishes, be in full control. Or they desire the opposite, to be dominated for a change.
In some cases, these men feel deeply inadequate, insecure and damaged by their fame and success. A "call-girl" can indulge them and stay anonymous.
3. Desirable men desire the hottest women. They want their egos flattered.
Especially in our current porn culture, men more frequently measure their masculinity, social status and self-worth by their ability to score "hot" women. Women's sexuality exists for their benefit. Very sexual women have the swagger and social status powerful men love. Good girls need too much. The "hot" woman can be wild, charming and won't cling.
4. Many powerful men are moderate to full-blown narcissists.
This probably has contributed to their success in life. Narcissists think only or primarily about themselves and what they want. They often have intimacy issues and cannot see a normal partner in a healthy way. They cannot see a woman as both loving and sexy. Often they see women as "a dime a dozen."
The men may subconsciously subscribe to the Madonna/Whore Complex. If a woman meets his childish emotional needs, she's a "good girl". A wife type. Good girls are obligations. Monogamy is work. They don't see their wives as fantasy partners, nor do they want to.
A whore-type fulfills his adult sexual needs and turns him on. "Bad girls" have a sexual aura and are seen as playful, kinky and fun. Promiscuity is play. Danger is an aphrodisiac. Here's why whores are so appealing:
5. She doesn't conform.
This kind of woman projects power and is unapologetic about her sexuality. She's confident in her looks and in her skin. Her style makes her stand apart from the crowd. Her independence is attractive.
6. She isn't locked into society's view of a good girl or class-act woman.
These women are passionate, seductive, and forthright about what they are after. They feel alluring, exude sensuality and enjoy their part in the game. They are often beautiful, educated and successful.
7. She's free to be whoever she wants.
Since she's already thought of as a "bad girl," she's liberated to do whatever she chooses: Bleach her hair, overdo her makeup, drink, flirt, reveal her body. Whores possess swagger and social taboo many men find incredibly enchanting.
8. She understands the game and its players.
Men are visual, and an overtly sexual woman can be staggeringly beautiful and enticing. Whores proudly show off their shapely figures, be it large bosoms or ample buttocks. They purposely accentuate the waistlines, legs and facial features. Oversized jewelry, red lips and big messy hair — whatever they choose. They are there to attract powerful men.
9.. She can be inventive and open to a variety of ways to give a man pleasure.
Because they aren't in it for the long-term, there's no drama. Anything goes. And whores typically invest in alluring lingerie, shoes, stockings, high heels and perfumes. They display their seductive attributes proudly. They know the tricks and are open to ways to share enjoyment with a partner.
10. She will not be slut-shamed. She projects effervescence and fun.
This kind of woman is direct, passionate and uninhibited. Many men really enjoy her company and the idea that she can match their prowess. This frees her of any pretense that doesn't serve her. She can be carefree, there to toy with the men, enhancing their social pleasure.
The high-powered man and the blatantly sexual woman are a potent combination. They can indulge each other with minimal emotional attachment. In my case, I enjoyed my ex's company and wanted our relationship to grow.
Instead, I became what he fears: an emotional obligation. We soon went our separate ways.
Noreen Ehrlich is a lifestyle and marketing coach and CPA in Greenwich, CT with expertise in how to live life to its fullest by taking charge of yourself and going after your dreams. Learn more at www.dreamtownct.com.