Would it kill you to take things slow?
The female body is complicated, no doubt. But us ladies still can't help but wish that men understood it better.
Our mind and body are deeply connected, and in order to get us even remotely close to climax, we need to keep both things relaxed. And this can be hard when a guy is fumbling around down there not knowing what to do. A woman wants to feel sexy and wants a man who has the patience to allow her to get there. She doesn't want to rush things; instead, she wants to savor them like a good wine.
Women understand that men don't usually have a clue about our bodies (that is, until we guide them in the right direction), and that's why it's essential they find out now to get the job done correctly. For all the clueless men out there, here are 13 things you should know about women when having sex.
1. Slow the hell down.
Women normally like to take their time to experience things, especially sex. So instead of rushing to the finish line, it's important for a guy to go slow. Make out for a few minutes before starting to strip each other down. Enjoy a round of foreplay before getting right down to the nitty gritty.
A woman who doesn't feel rushed is more relaxed, and therefore can enjoy the entire moment more. This also helps the guy in her bed, because she's able to enjoy him more as well, since they are both taking their time to feel each other out and see what both partners like.
2. We like to be teased.
Men, if you want to really drive your woman crazy, tease her. No, not with your words but with your touch. Walk you fingers up her bare thigh, graze over her lady parts, but don't stop there. Glide your hands all over without making direct contact with the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
This will have her excited and begging for more. And this means once you do stroke the kitty, she'll be so amped up she won't know what to do with herself.
3. Take your time undressing her.
Yes, a woman likes to have her clothes ripped off now and then, but for the most part she enjoys having a man strip her down one piece of clothing at a time. Slip off her dress and let her sit in her underwear for a few minutes. Chances are she wore something sexy for you, so humor her and enjoy her matching red bra and panties.
Then playfully take those items off — biting the panties off with your teeth is always welcome. A striptease is also fun for both people, so if she's into that, let her seductively strip down for you and show you how it's done.
4. Be gentle.
No woman wants you to whip her pants off and shove yourself inside without getting the area properly primed for it. Women want to be seduced. They want to have a man get her ready for the act by taking his time, teasing her with his touch, and allowing her to relax before the main event happens. And this goes for fingers, too.
Guys, she doesn't want you to ram a bunch of fingers up there. Those lady parts are delicate, so be gentle when you touch her there. Sure, you can speed up once you know she's into it, but with the first initial contact keep things slow and tender.
5. Resist the urge to jackhammer us.
Ladies, most likely you've been with a man who has performed the unpleasant Jack Rabbit move on you. You know, when the guy is on top of you pumping himself so hard with the same constant motion that it feels like you're getting humped by a gigantic Jack Rabbit, or jack hammer.
Seriously guys, you have to stop this. It's not a turn on at all. If you perform this on a woman, don't expect her to get off. Ever. Instead, she'll be zoning out thinking about her work week (or the hot guy from the office) which does absolutely nothing for you.
6. Don't get frustrated.
Men need to understand something: women need time. We can't snap our fingers and suddenly be in the mood, lubed up, and ready to go like a Ferrari. Women need time to relax and feel sexy. And getting us to orgasm can take a good chunk of time, too. That's just how our bodies are made.
We need to relax in order to get there, and we need a man to allow us to do just that. And for the love of sex, don't ask if we are about to get off or if we are close; that only makes us more nervous. Have some patience while you work us, and let our body (and our moans) tell you what's working and what's not.
7. We need to be in the mood.
It's pretty much impossible for a woman to get in the mood for sex with a flip of a switch. The mood needs to be set, we need to feel good, and then we are ready and raring to go. But that can take a little time and effort by the man. Sorry, guys, but if you really want to do it with your woman, you'll put in the time.
The best part is, it's not hard to do. Turn off the TV, light a candle, and put on some Miles Davis. Give her a massage if she's feeling stressed or start kissing her slowly, then move into a full on make out session. None of this is hard stuff. With just an ounce of thought on the guy's end, the girl will be ready to go in no time.
8. We aren't porn stars.
Sex is fun and naughty, and women love to get crazy in between the sheets. But that doesn't mean women are going to act out a man's favorite scene in a porn flick. Real women (not actors) don't want anything coating their face. End of story. Just because a man sees a woman taking it on the Internet doesn't mean his actual girlfriend or one night stand is.
Because here's the thing: those women online are getting paid to be degraded. Us real ladies are not and would not. Those women are purely fantasy; us gals are the real deal.
9. Foreplay is non-negotiable.
How much can women stress this? We need to have foreplay before sex. It's the key to success. Many women don't get off by sex alone and need foreplay to finish the transaction. However, that's not the only reason why this is a huge must.
Foreplay helps us relax and get pumped for what's to come. It also slows things down so we have a longer time frame to enjoy everything that's happening. Plus, foreplay is just downright awesome. It gives each partner a chance to explore the other's body. This will only help each partner find out what the other likes the most.
10. Don't be afraid to change things up.
While men might be a creature of habit, women are not. We need to change up the boring old routine. If a couple usually has sex every night before they fall asleep, that gets old fast. The woman knows what to expect and sometimes doesn't want it because she knows what it will be like: dull and unimaginative.
There needs to be spontaneity. Guys, instead of sticking to the usual routine, switch it up by grabbing her while she's pouring a glass of wine after a long day. Kiss her neck, rub her shoulders, and do her right there in the kitchen. And even if you keep the routine of sex before sleep, change up your technique. Try a new position or begin by touching her softly instead of trying to break through the almighty threshold right away.
11. Appreciate her lingerie.
Women take their time when getting ready, especially when it comes to putting on lingerie. It can take a lot for a woman to wear a lacy bustier. She wants to look and feel her best, but still might be a little self-conscious, so having a man compliment her is key.
Men should never get angry for the woman taking too long to put on her sexiest undergarments. Seriously guys, we'd like to see you try. And guys should never laugh at her for trying something sexy or assume she's joking when she comes out with a gag in her mouth. She's not.
12. Don't be selfish.
Guys, we want you to enjoy sex, but we want to enjoy it, too. Sometimes with everything going on, it can be hard not to be selfish, but try. Women don't always speak up to tell a man what's working or what's not because they are afraid of hurting a guy's feelings or for taking too long to climax.
If a woman doesn't say anything, ask her what she likes or what feels good. Try different things to see how she responds. She'll be happy that you did and so will you, because the both of you will come out on top.
13. Make an effort.
Men always expect a woman to look good and smell delicious, so why shouldn't a man be expected of the same? Women get turned on by a man who makes an effort in his appearance. He doesn't have to come out wearing a suit and tie before getting laid, but a shower can help. Clean underwear, too.
There's nothing nastier than a man coming to bed without a shower after working outside all day, or sweating at the gym and expecting to get a piece of the pie. Women want to have sex with a clean guy who looks good and smells even better.
This article was originally published at The Talko. Reprinted with permission from the author.