What Happened When I Sent X-Rated, Perverted Texts To Every Nice Guy On Tinder
These men were thirsty.
Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock Online dating can be a vicious place for innocence. You can try to go on with the right intentions and profile description in attempts to repel the kind of advances you don't want but even still, women find themselves flabbergasted with perverse messages that can make one question why they seem to be giving off the "ready for the taking" vibe.
The viral Straight White Boys Texting Tumblr page explodes with the reality of how men treat women online. It's becoming rather predictable. You can be sweet as a Georgia peach with a picture of you singing gospel songs in church and still receive unwanted dick pictures and blow job requests.
I decided to do a social experiment with the men on Tinder by reversing the roles after a message I received last week left me bewildered. My profile says explicitly, "No hookups, sorry!" and yet one guy messaged me and before even a "Hi, how are you?" was exchanged, he asked if I would have sex with him. There was even mention of "making me squirt." I can't even make this stuff up anymore.
So I wondered, what would it be like if a seemingly normal woman like myself went online and began sending the most over-the-top and perverted messages to every assumed nice and normal guy I could find?
I started the experiment and while the interactions were unexpectedly hilarious, there was a moral lesson I wanted to settle. But before I discuss that, let's see how the victims behaved.
This out-of-town business guy who likes mayonnaise...
This lawyer who was sitting in a deposition and was OK with my picnic condiment fetish...
My vanilla Danny Tanner stand-in...
This guy willing to play "hot wheels" with me...
This guy wanting to know my location after I mentioned my "vagina fireworks"...
Any terms and conditions guy...
This guy didn't even flinch at ruffling my feathers...
This guy I offered my "beaver salad" to...
This "red wings" fan...
These guys willing to impregnate me...
And the guys I said one word to and they were willing to meet...
It's no question that dudes need to calm down with the insanely rude and disrespectful sex messages but the irony of their way of communication is that if the roles were reversed, men are far too easy to convince.
Which begs the question: What is happening to men today that they don't appreciate nor seek well-behaved women? Some of my opening lines to these guys were literally, "Yup, you'll do," and they were still on board with everything I requested.
Men don't really seem to care if you make them feel cheap and meaningless sexually. In fact, even the nicest of men welcome it with open arms. We've got a world of sexual exploitation where a woman will share videos and campaigns of feminism and stand up against cat-calling, while at the same time calling themselves a #badbitch and flaunting their cleavage on their Instagram account. We aren't even united in our own gender and that's precisely the reason men are able to get away with this behavior online.
It's all a numbers game. For every 100 unprecedented requests for sex they send, one woman will agree. Meanwhile, the other 99 women are left emotionally frustrated by this constant belittlement of self-worth.
I came clean to all of my subjects when things were going too far, except for the mayonnaise guy who waited in a hotel lobby for me because who actually agrees to sex with mayo and a rubber chicken? I figured I would let him have that "I'm an idiot" moment alone when I pulled a no-show (ha!).
When I told the men what I was doing and why I was doing it, it started some very interesting conversations. I discovered that even though they were initially willing to participate in my bizarre fantasies, they were actually mostly all nice guys. They really respected what I was doing and were surprised to hear how many perverse messages women actually receive online.
A lot of them actually asked me out for drinks and wanted to know more about my online dating experiences, this blog, and wanted to share their own experiences with me. That lead me to a local Browns Socialhouse where I sat and chatted with Marlon, the guy whom I convinced to wear women's lingerie.
I asked Marlon why he thought so many guys go online for sex and why men are so easily convinced to have meaningless, one-time, and sometimes ridiculous kinky sex with a complete stranger. The answer was simple: Because it's easy.
What he said next gave me hope. He also said that many of his friends were into the non-committal just "banging chicks" lifestyle but what these dudes fail to realize is that when you constantly have these one-night and often vanilla sex encounters, even if it's with a different person each time, it still has the same probability of getting as boring as the relationships they seem to be afraid to have.
When you have sex with someone only once, almost always (unless she's a freak) the woman is going to have reservations about what she will let you do with her. When you're in a relationship with one person and you begin to get more and more comfortable with them over time, your sex life will also grow to new levels. (Oh, and of course there's also that happy emotion called "love" that makes it even better.)
So although we may get unwanted perverse messages from men, women need to understand that those messages (and these numbers games) are all part of the process. The reality is that all men can — and will — be baited and interested in sex whether they're truly genuinely nice guys or not.
Society isn't going to change this behavior unless 100 percent of women say no to these advances but there's always going to be that one woman, whether we like it or not, and so this cycle continues. The flip side is that for every 100 men making advances at women online, one of those men is willing to get to know who we are and what we have to offer beyond sexuality.
So maybe there's no point in getting angry or upset at a manner-challenged person who doesn't respectfully interact. Maybe we should thank them for weeding themselves out early on to avoid wasting more time.
As always, NEXT.
Andrea Wesley is a freelance writer living in the suburbs of Vancouver, Canada. She’s a lover of wine, sushi, all things Parisian and spiking her coffee with Baileys. She is also a contributor for The Bolde and Elite Daily