Give more blowjobs. (For real.)
My husband and I started out as good friends. We dated for a year, and then quickly tied the know. Before being with him, I never felt strongly about marriage, nor did I feel compelled to become a wife. However, Josh and I both had this knowing that we were meant to be together, and a monumental decision like marriage became a very simple one.
Despite our faith in each other and the strong love we had, we knew that marriage is a big commitment, and that ebbs and flows in our relationship would be inevitable. We were right. There are times when all I want to do is kiss him and run my hands all over him. There are also times when I grit my teeth and give him the finger as hard as I can when his back is turned.
It's wise to anticipate low tides and high tides, but even wiser to act as the moon and influence the tide. Disagreements are bound to happen, but we can act in ways that enable us to spend the majority of our time feeling happy and intimate. Here are six things I've found to work.
1. Focus on what you like and ignore what you don't.
We find more of what we focus on. If I'm looking for the good in my husband's actions, I will see it. If I'm focusing on the negative, I will find that. I could criticize him when I'm annoyed and let him know all of his shortcomings, but does my nagging really entice him to do or give more?
He's human and we're two different people. There are going to be things that drive me crazy. What's smarter is ignoring the things I don't like and focusing on the stuff I do. Appreciation invites more of the good stuff.
2. Have a girlfriend mentality.
Josh is a smart ass. It's actually something that originally attracted me to him. He's light-hearted, playful, and always down for a laugh. If he teases you, it's a sign he likes you and feels close to you. Knowing this, why do I find myself getting upset at his jokes?
I think back to our early days. I was more carefree and had a better sense of humor. I wasn't so sensitive. I played it cool. Now, I get my panties in a bunch so easily. The answer to most of life's problems, including this one, is to laugh more.
3. Give more blow jobs.
4. Focus on fulfilling his needs rather than your own.
I'm not asking you to be a martyr here. The end goal in this is to get your needs fulfilled. However, your partner is more likely to fulfill yours when his are fulfilled first. When we focus on our partner's needs, we create a warm environment and invite love. Be sure to know what your partner's needs are. Don't assume they are the same as yours.
5. Let him be.
Just because he does something differently doesn't mean he's doing it wrong. My husband is thoughtful and calculated, but has a different perspective than me. For example, sometimes our toddler makes requests. One day while we were at our friends house, he wanted to go out into the garage. Josh wasn't taking him. He started crying and I was getting frustrated.
I snapped at Josh and said, "Why don't you just take him to the garage while I finish getting ready?" In my interpretation, Josh was being lazy and ignoring him. Josh explained, "He can't get everything he wants. It's cold in the garage, and I don't want to go out there. He has to start understanding that he doesn't always get his way."
Josh does things differently than me, and that doesn't make them wrong. He actually has a lot of sound reasoning to back up his decisions, and I just need to trust him.
6. Appreciate your differences.
It seems common for two seemingly opposite people to be married. A lot of what we lack personally, we seek in our partner. When we embrace our partner's differences, we become more whole.
I'm impulsive, Josh is contemplative. I'm a procrastinator, Josh is a planner. I worry about what people think of me, and Josh couldn't care less. By absorbing each other's influences, we become more balanced.
This article was originally published at stayathomepanda.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.