No, you don't HAVE to wait for him to text first.
Rules really suck the life out of a relationship. Having a list of do’s and don'ts for your significant other makes the interaction between the two of you start to feel like one big chore list.
Sure, you have needs and desires that must be met, but that doesn't mean your man needs to march to the strict beat of your drum.
So, baja la regla — here are some relationship rules that need to die, STAT:
1. Never Call or Text First
In the earlier stages of a relationship, women tend to wait for men to text first. If you text him “good night,” he has to text you “good morning” first. If not, you won’t even dare initiate a conversation. And the same goes for phone calls. You called and left a message and he hasn't responded, so there is no way you're calling again!
But, this is your man. Drop the games: text and call him when your heart desires.
2. Withhold Sex Whenever He Pisses You Off
Withholding sex is a rule that's been passed down from generation to generation. Your abuela probably told you to keep your legs closed if your hombre pisses you off.
This is usually how this situation plays out: Your boo comes home late one night, or keeps forgetting to take out the trash (you're so over him not pulling his weight!), and you decide he's not getting near your vagina.
In the end, you might get what you want, but it's due to manipulation and control. Do you really want this as a relationship dynamic?
3. Ignore His Calls
“Hello from the other side!” That's what he’s screaming on your voicemail. He's tried reaching you three times and gets nada from your end!
Some women ignore their bae’s calls to “keep them on their toes.” Really. I've heard women say this. Again, it’s game playing. Those who choose to play this game are often insecure in their relationship. They ignore calls and make their partner suffer because they fear vulnerability and being dumped.
4. Pitting Your Family Against Him
As Latinas, we share a lot with our families; so it's second nature to trash talk your partner to your mama, siblings and cousins. To vent and get them on your side, you fail to share the good in your relationship.
Eventually, your family will resent your partner. In your family's eyes, you've won the argument. In the end, you’ll lose your relationship.
5. Throwing Things in His Face
When one is angry, everything becomes ammunition. You load up and shoot, throwing every sweet act in his face. You helped him prep for a job interview? Bang. You drove him everywhere when his car broke down? Bang. You introduced him to a business contact? Bang, bang, bang!
Thing is you're supposed to do nice things for your partner because you love him, not to use it as a weapon when angry. This rule is not only detrimental to your relationship, but it also paints you as a vindictive and malicious woman.
6. Setting a “Curfew”
I get it; you don't think an unavailable man should get home at 4am. So what do you do? You set a curfew for both you and your man just like your mama did when you were living under her roof. You feel the bottom line of this is ultimately respect.
But why is this actually a no-no? It can make your partner feel confined, and yes, like a child. If you want to establish respect in your relationship, kill this rule and share your real concerns with him.
7. Going Tit for Tat
This is very common, so much so that many women don't see anything wrong with doing it just to spite their partner.
If he goes to the Puerto Rican Parade when you demanded he stay home, you grab your purse and go out with your girls later than night — and you won't tell him where you're going. You’ll ignore his calls and texts because he deserves to be ignored! A few days later he does the same to you. Do you see why this is harmful to your relationship?
The tit for tat is a cycle. It literally never ends. Nip this rule in the bud before your relationship sprouts weeds and meets an untimely death.
This article was originally published at Latina. Reprinted with permission from the author.