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Dirty talk can feel like walking through a minefield for a lot of people.
It’s an area of sex that makes a lot of people feel silly because they’re unsure of how to go about it without feeling ridiculous.
What should you say? What do they want you to say? What if you say too much? What if you say too little?
Dirty talk, just like sex itself, is something that needs to be calibrated to the individual that is hearing the dirty talk from their partner. Maybe something that you qualify as dirty talk is offensive, or laughable, or insane to your partner.
This is the ultimate guide to dirty talk, walking you through the things to generally avoid, include, and steer clear of altogether in order for you to dominate the world of dirty talk. (For the record, I don’t believe in the words “dirty talk” since there’s nothing dirty about sex or talking about sex. Alas, this is what people call it so I have to meet society where it’s currently at.)
I’ll get into specific phrases you can use momentarily, but first, some guidelines to help you get your black belt from the dirty talk dojo.
Before sex, say what you want – during sex, say what you like.
A good rule of thumb with dirty talk is to tell your partner what you want to do to them/with them before you’re doing it, and then while you’re doing it, tell them what you’re liking about it..
Any statement about what you have liked doing with them, or that you are envisioning doing with them, is a great way to ease into a super-vocal sex session.
And while you’re fooling around, giving your partner real time feedback about what you’re enjoying is a great way to encourage them to give you more of that thing, and also gives your sexual play the added edge of becoming more of a multi-sensory experience.
For a lot of people, it’s the details of dirty talk that make it so much of a turn on.
For the record, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with statements like “Yeah, I like that,” “You look so hot right now,” and “I love having sex with you.” But they can be supercharged in a massive way if you shift them each with a bit of descriptive detail.
“Yeah, I like that” becomes “Oh my god, keep doing that. I love your big/little hands all over my ass/balls/chest/etc... You are the sexiest person on the planet.”
“You look so hot right now” turns into “You are better than any fantasy I could ever come up with. I fucking love you and your perfect/delicious/sexy/big/little (body part).”
“I love having sex with you” transforms into “I love it when you grab the sheets when you’re about to come. I love how your breath pauses when I put my mouth on your (insert partner’s preferred name for their genitals here). There’s no where else I’d rather be than inside of you/on top of you right now.”
Now… isn’t that better?
Use all of your senses
One of the fastest ways to boost the power and erotic, engaging quality of your dirty talk is to start using multi-sensory descriptive words.
Most people dirty talk with two of their primary senses: sight and touch (i.e. “You look so hot/You feel so good”).
While there’s nothing wrong with sticking to your comfort zone by staying within the parameters of these two dominant sexual senses, there’s so much fun to be had by letting your descriptive imagination run wild.
A few examples of dirty talk phrases that use multi-sensory descriptions:
- I love how you taste/smell. I could get drunk off of your juices/scent.
- I love the sounds you make
- You sound so sexy when I’m going down on you
- I want to fuck you until...
- I want you to cum so hard that...
Don’t use too much profanity if that’s a turn-off for your partner
Every person has their particular trigger words that feel too jarring for them.
Some people adore their dirty talk to be filled with swear words, others hate it. Some people want their dirty talk to include very clinical descriptions of their genitals (penis, vagina) while others want the dirtier street slang (cock, pussy, dick, cunt, etc.). Some people like being called “you whore” while others prefer “my whore” while others still would never want you to call them anything close to the word whore during any of your lovemaking, ever.
Make sure you check in with your partner (outside of the bedroom) to see if there’s any words that they want you to avoid during your dirty talk.
And no, it doesn’t take away from the sexiness of your dirty talk if you check in with them. It’s a sign of respect. It’s the same well-spring of respect that makes you think to ask your partner if their penis/clitoris prefers softer or firmer stimulation. It doesn’t ruin the mood to check in… it enhances the feelings of safety, comfort, and connection.
If you’re truly terrified, start your dirty talk via text
Whether because of being raised in a sexually repressed household, culture, or religious upbringing, when some people begin their foray into verbalized dirty talk, they feel an extra bit of resistance. One good way to test the waters (and to get more comfortable) with your partner is to send them some naughty text messages to see how they respond.
Read on to the “Dirty Talk: Beginner Level” section for some examples of places to start, or go with something from the heart (or crotch).
Want some soft/easy starters for your titillating texts? Try out any of the following:
- I’m really looking forward to seeing you tonight. I think we should have some fun ; )
- You should probably already have your pants off when I get home… I’m feeling playful
- Baby, I’m really horny. What do you want me to wear for our date tonight?
- I’m having a really hard time focusing at work today… can’t stop thinking about that thing that we did on our date last night ; )
- Mmm… I still feel deliciously sore from last night. You certainly know how to show a lady/guy a good time.
Dirty talk: beginner, intermediate, & advanced
As you might know, if you’ve been reading my work for a while, I have a tendency to gravitate to fairly polarized sex. Which means that the dominant/submissive roles play themselves out in my dirty talk quite a bit.
For those of you who are looking for a bit more actionable phrases to include in your dirty talk, I’ve got you covered.
Here are some examples of the easy, more challenging, and (for some people) more extreme levels of dirty talk that you can engage in with your significant other.
Dirty talk: beginner level
Whether you’re starting out with dirty talk for the first time ever, or you’re starting to have sex with a new partner and just want to slowly test the waters, the following phrases have you covered.
- That feels amazing baby
- Come sit on my lap, love
- Mmm… do you like that?
- I’m getting so turned on/wet/hard
- Tell me what you like/if this is too hard/when you’re about to come
- You look so beautiful/handsome/gorgeous/manly right now
- What do you feel like doing to me?
- I love how you look at me when you’re turned on
- You can have me any way you want me baby
- Mmm… I can tell that you’re having fun
- Where do you want to cum?
- I could spend all day between your legs
- I can’t wait to taste you on my lips
- Mmm… you taste so good baby.
- I love what you’re doing to me right now
- I’m getting close
Dirty talk: intermediate level
So you’ve been around the block and you’re looking for something new that makes your partner that much harder/wetter. Skim through the following, grab a few of your favorite phrases and incorporate them into your dirty talk pronto. And if these are still too tame for you, the next section will kick things up a notch.
- I love it when I can feel you squeeze around me
- I want you to cum for me/on me/in me
- Relax… just lie back and let me make you cum
- Mmm… I fucking love it when you ride me like this
- Get on your knees
- You look like a sexy little angel with your lips wrapped around me like this
- I love sucking your cock so much
- Tell me how much you love it when I fuck you/when you fuck me
- I want you to fuck me in front of the mirror
- You have such a perfect ass/cock/pussy/body/etc.
- You look so fucking sexy right now
- Cum in my mouth. I want to taste you.
- Mmm… good girl. I want you to cum for me, hard.
Dirty talk: advanced level
The following dirty talk examples are not for the faint of heart and these phrases probably shouldn’t be attempted within the first month of your new relationship (unless you met your partner at an orgy/sex party and that overtly sexual context has already been set between the two of you). As with most things to do with eroticism, it’s often the least politically correct things that are some of the biggest turn ons behind closed bedroom doors.
So if you’re into it and your partner is into it (definitely talk about these things first!), use these advanced level dirty talk phrases to your hearts content. Let your kinky freak flag fly!
- Tell me how badly you want me to fuck you
- Show me how wet you are my little slut
- I want you to fuck me until we wake up the neighbours
- Stand up and fuck me
- Fuck me harder!
- Use me like your little fuck toy
- I own this pretty little pussy
- I want you to gag on my cock/fuck my face
- Ride me harder
- Yeah, ruin my pussy. Take it!
- That pretty little face deserves to get fucked
- Don’t make a sound until I tell you to… and if you do, I’m going to pause and wait until you can be quiet again, like a good little boy/girl
- You’re going to need crutches when I’m done fucking you
- Tell me who owns this fucking pussy
Dirty talk supercharges your sex life
I know dirty talk can feel intimidating at times, but the best thing you can do is start with something tame, and just gets your lips moving.
Start small, ramp up over time, and ask your partner (outside of your sexual play) if they have any preferences as to the words that you do or don’t use in your dirty talk repertoire.
It can be a little uncomfortable at first, but there is such a sense of freedom that comes with allowing your dirty talk to flow freely. It truly does shift the entire dynamic of your sex life in such an easy and sustainable way.
Check out Jordan's video course Supercharge Your Sex Life for lots of great tips and tricks that will help you on your journey towards sexual mastery.
This article was originally published at Jordan Gray Consulting. Reprinted with permission from the author.