News Flash: No one is going to read your mind.
By Jennifer Wilkov and Tom Miller — Written on Mar 11, 2016
Your best friend can practically read your mind. Right? The two of you are always finishing … each other’s French fries. … But maybe that’s not your experience with co-workers, your children, siblings, sex partners and spouses.
And it is frustrating. Well, trust us, it’s frustrating for them too.
Constantly wondering if I’LL know what YOU do or don’t want and what did I do right or wrong is exhausting and probably results in the kind of soft-tissue damage that doesn’t show up on an x-ray but makes softball impossible.
There are no mind-readers!
Relationship and life coach Jennifer Wilkov tells us in her video that the answer, as simple as it sounds, is to tell people what you want.
Yes, “no kidding” is a pretty reasonable response.
But why don’t you do it? Why do you assume that people should just know? Is it some fairytale we’re sold by Disney or jewelry manufacturers? It’s probably more likely that you don’t want to appear pushy.
Well, guess what? You’re NOT being pushy. There should be very few adversarial relationships in your life. If there are a lot of them, you may need a new job or new friends. But, for the most part, your relationships are collaborative: You’re on the same team with most people you interact with. Isn’t that a breath of fresh air?
You get to stop saying "I'm sorry"
Knowing that you are always on the same team means not having to constantly apologize.
Not to go all "Men Are From Mars" on you but one thing a good dialogue does is change the need to say sorry. Per a study from the University of Waterloo, men are less likely to apologize for small things and that’s what saying what you want does for you (i.e. more communication equals fewer misunderstandings).
And now the rubber hits the road. What is step one? Like all things, it’s a small one.
Tell someone you trust what you want or want done. Maybe even start with something small. Something that’s not remotely an imposition. Then BAM you’re on your way to getting what you want and need. (Check out this great step-by-step guide to being assertive.)
You will never be more successful or happy than asking for what you want even if you do manage to learn to read minds.
Want to know more about speaking up? Learn more about why speaking up makes a difference and how you can master this important skill at SpeakUpWomen.com.
