Now is the time to stop avoiding them and start understanding them.
By Anya Hollis
The traditional role of the woman is up for debate lately. It used to be where the man went out and earned a living while the woman remained in the home and looked after the little ones.
However, today, the traditional role of the woman and the duties that come with the position varies. There are instances where the woman still stays at home and takes care of the children, yet, it is more than likely that one will encounter a working woman or the new independent woman.
The independent woman is the woman who is taking care of herself by earning a living; essentially not needing a man to provide.
There is nothing wrong with this role, what we fail to realize is that this independence is an adaptation to an environment that forces women to be this way. Sometimes this position can be taken to the extreme and turn into male bashing.
On the contrary, I’m here to tell you that behind every proud, independent woman, is a woman who was forced to live without a loving man. She is ready and willing at the first opportunity to trade in her title independent to become the wife and partner of a man.
Living in today’s modern world where the women vastly outnumber men, it is easy for a woman to adopt the title if independent woman instead of being labeled as a clingy woman who needs a man. The worse part about the independent woman is that society has given her a role different from the one nature intended, and she has accepted the position, yet feels something is missing in her life.
The truth is: Every woman wants a man, and there is nothing wrong with this desire because we were not made to be alone. I will share with you five things men need to know when dating an independent woman.
1. She is independent because she has to be.
More than likely, this woman has to provide for herself, which means she has to get a job. She has to have a way of maintaining her way of life, and a job does this for her.
Please understand that if a man came in and offered to do provide she would probably accept. She may in fact still keep her job because she wants control of her life, on the contrary, she will not turn down the opportunity to be cared for by a loving husband.
2. Be patient.
Chances are it has taken some time to achieve her level of success, which means she has adapted and identified with this persona. So, it will take time for her to deprogram and accept that she has a loving and caring partner in her life.
The independent woman will not just go away. Instead, she has to accept over time that being independent is no longer necessary for her survival.
3. Show her that you are her protector.
Being independent, there is nobody there to be the protector. Therefore, she has gotten along without knowing the true comfort of the security a man provides.
It is true she can pay bills, fix a toilet, go to work, etc., but she can’t give herself the protection a loving spouse can provide. She needs to know that whenever she is with you that she is safe.
4. Appreciate her surrender.
It was not an easy task to let a man lead after not having one for so long, so appreciate that she trusts you enough to let her guard down.
It is true there are certain things expected of women and men in their respective roles, yet never take for granted her willingness to trust you enough to surrender and be vulnerable with you. It may take a while, but greatness doesn’t happen overnight. Her willingness to let you get close to her and begin to open up to you will show that you are making progress.
5. Develop a team.
In a relationship, it is important that we understand that no one role is more important than the other. Therefore, we as couples need to form a team amongst one another for the sole purpose of seeing that each other’s needs are met and that everyone is doing their part to ensure that the relationship is successful. We must learn that there is no “I” in team and “teamwork makes the dream work.”
If you do it together with good intentions, there is no way that you guys can’t make it as a couple.
Independent women are forced into the role by way of adaptation. Many of these women are willing to drop the title to become a wife, yet they require an understanding man who will be part of their team and work with them to ensure the success of their union. Now is the time to stop avoiding them and start understanding them.
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.