You can be a boss and STILL want to be dominated sexually.
Today's woman is a boss but can still have conflicting personality characteristics. One minute she's making tough decisions about her business, and the next, she's being completely open and vulnerable to a partner. Nobody is any one way; we're all made up of strengths and weakness, and it's empowering for a strong, dominant woman to express all aspects of herself, including her sexuality.
"We are females who simultaneously own our strength and our vulnerability, our sensuality and our sexuality, our ferocity and our flaws. One of the most powerful acts of radicalness a woman can engage in is to feel confident in her sexual desire, regardless of how 'weird' or 'wrong' those fantasies are deemed by society."
It's not considered shocking when a powerful man wants to be dominated, so why is the reverse so surprising? If a dominant woman wants to be taken and dominated in the bedroom, it doesn't mean she isn't a feminist, or weak, or someone who has to depend on someone else.
Wanting to be dominated in the bedroom just means that may be what she likes or what she wants to explore. You can be sexually hardwired to respond to being tied up and spanked, and still be totally in control and badass in the real world.
The need to be dominated and to dominate aren't mutually exclusive. Barrie wants women to be whatever they want without shame. "Those of us femme-fatales whose very existence is defined by our unyielding ability to dominate in the streets ... we are unexpectedly turned on by being submissive in the sheets."
1. They find it appealing to be wanted and desired.
We want to be wanted. In an article on The Huffington Post, Rabbi Shmuley Boteach says, "Women want to hear more than anything: 'I desire you. I want to be physical with you. Your beauty is overwhelming to me. I cannot control myself around you. I find myself thinking about you constantly and I have to have you. I don't care what the consequences are.'"
2. They are with partners they trust completely.
Barrie writes, "We can't play unless we're in a safe environment; we can't tap into our sexuality when we're being hurt or used. Our relationships are rooted in respect — if they weren't, then we wouldn't feel empowered by sexual dominance."
3. They are sex-positive, which means they don't have shame.
Trying new things sexually and exploring your fantasies is a healthy part of life. A study conducted by the University of Granada found that having sexual fantasies are extremely important in sexuality, and sexual fantasies can help with anxiety and improve one's sex life. Being able to freely talk about and act on a fantasy helps eliminate any negativity that might be associated with it.
4. They see a connection between creativity and sexuality.
Barrie writes, "We can't micro-manage or compartmentalize creativity. Once we are tapped into that side of ourselves, it overflows into all parts of our lives, sex included."
5. They find relief in relinquishing power.
Always being in control and powerful is exhausting, no matter how good at it you might be.
Barrie puts it best: "Sometimes, at the end of the day, we just want someone else to call the shots — to rip off our clothes with a reckless abandon and steer the ship."