The Sure-Fire Way To Put A Spark Back In Your 'Boring' Relationship


Don't give up. Get creative!

Though we know all relationships experience a normal ebb and flow in excitement over the years, most of us still fear being stuck in a boring relationship. One where you know everything your partner is about to say before he or she even says it. One where sex is routine and predictable (or worse, non-existent); and the connection between the two of you lacks a spark. 

On some level, this is the natural progression of relationships. But that doesn't mean you can't fix the situation.

If you look at how relationships typically play out, initially, you feel over-the-moon for your beloved. You happily endure sleepless nights, hangovers, marathon love-making sessions, talking on the phone for hours or staring into each other's eyes for what feels like an eternity. You relish these moments and look back on them with longing as the relationship ages because, after all, things can only be new once.

At some point, life pulls you back into "reality" and you can no longer devote the same level of time and attention to your partner.

Relationships at this stage become comfortable and consistent. You establish a routine, a schedule, a life together...  which all sounds good on the surface, but without some TLC, before long, your once "hot and sassy" romance becomes the boring relationship you always dreaded.

Chemically, the cocktail of "love-drugs" that initially invaded your body, literally causing you to feel love struck, has vanished. In its place, bonding chemicals have flooded in of a more mature, stable nature. These new chemicals keep you safe and in love, but don't produce the euphoria and intoxicating passion you once felt (and wish you could again).

That, my friends, is tragic. But, it's not a death sentence.

Contrary to what you've heard, your relationship isn't necessarily doomed when it reaches the comfort zone. In fact, science tells us that people who feel bored are also able to solve problems more creatively than those who are not. So, let the icky feeling of boredom in your relationship serve as a wake-up call to get things back on track.

How do you do that? Our Experts universally agree on one piece of precious advice; a solution that can fix your boredom issue instantly: Do something novel. Novelty shakes you up; it provides a change to your routine and it gets your heart racing. 

In the video above, Dr. Stan Tatkin, Dr. Sue Mandel and licensed counselor Samantha Burns share a handful of inspiring ideas on how to bring fun and novelty back to your relationship. 

And if you need more after watching the video, our Experts can help. Stan offers relationship advice for singles in his new book, Wired For Dating. Samantha offers relationship counseling and date coaching to singles and couples. And, Sue offers date coaching and counseling to singles, couples and families in the LA area


Explore YourTango