If You're Not Losing Friends, You're Not Growing Up

Photo: weheartit
growing out of friendships

Sometimes the truth hurts.

I remember a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, when house parties were fun. 

Though I was never a drinker, I’d fake getting tipsy off my bottle of water in hopes of an epic get-the-boy-to-notice-you-and-dance-the-night-away kind of evening. I don’t know why I ever thought that was a possibility, seeing as the only dancing that occurred at these parties was skanky hallway grinding. 

Then one day, something changed. My eyes opened, and I finally saw the light. These parties were lame and so were the friends I was partying with. They weren’t bad people, but their ideas of a “fun night out” became considerably different than mine. 

Something shifted. Hanging out with them became more exhausting than it was enjoyable. And at first, I felt really alone.  


Growing up, your group of friends are your identity. Who you hang out with is essentially who you are. So it’s no wonder letting go of some friendships can really shake your sense of self. 

It might be hard, but it’s a necessary part of getting older. These friendships, especially the toxic ones, can hold you back from becoming the person you’re supposed to be. 

So no, you’re not an asshole for never returning their calls. And no, you’re not a loser because you don’t have a crew. You’re just growing up. Part of that is learning how to be okay by yourself. 

If you feel disconnected from your friends, here are 6 signs it might be time to move on:  

You feel detached from your conversations with them.
Photo: WeHeartIt

Do you find yourself zoning out while they're talking to you? You're probably not acting like the world's greatest listener because you've stopped caring as much. 

It sounds harsh, but it just means that their interests aren't the same as yours anymore, and you both are better off finding people you can actually connect with. 

You enjoy your alone time.
Photo: WeHeartIt

For awhile you may have felt like you needed your friends to be around, but now you've got the confidence to just chill by yourself without feeling like you're missing out. 

Friends that don't get the need for alone time, and feel rejected by it, are probably not the kind of people you should keep around. 

You stop caring what they think.
Photo: WeHeartIt

No longer are you concerned with their opinion of your new job or your boyfriend. You've even stopped going out of your way to tell them about new things in your life. 

Growing up means becoming comfortable with your own identity, and that might result in making some changes that your former friends don't understand. 

You don't include them in your future.
Photo: WeHeartIt

Just like a boyfriend you're about to dump, you don't think of your former friends when you're thinking of an upcoming vacation or moving to out of state. 

Do you see yourself hanging out with the same people a year from now? If the answer is no, it's time to move on. 

You feel a little lost.
Photo: WeHeartIt

If you're feeling like you don't know where you're going in life, it's time to check your friendships. Some people may be holding you back from going in a certain direction. 

Even when you stop hanging out with your former friends, that feeling of being lost might continue until you learn how to be okay on your own. 

You no longer identify with who they think you are.
Photo: WeHeartIt

Toxic friends will want to bring up the past and the things you used to do. Good friends will push you towards the future and accept every version of yourself you chose to be. They don't limit or label you. 

Now isn't that the kind of friend you'd like to have?



Explore YourTango