Dinosaur erotica? Really, people?!??!
There's a widely accepted rule in the depths of the Internet: if it exists, there's probably a porno of it. It's known as Rule 34.
So we shouldn't have been surprised when we went in search of the strangest erotica stories. But we still were.
Yes, a story has been written for almost every conceivable subject you could think of — and ones you wish you didn't. Without judging anyone's sexual desires or preferences, we gathered up some of the ... uh, most out-there types of erotica.
From Barack and Michelle Obama exploring their forbidden desires in an ancient Hawaiian spiritual world, to George Washington and Thomas Jefferson making out over the corpse of a werewolf, presidential erotic fiction goes beyond the idea of patriotism.
Whether you see it as completely disgraceful or totally awesome, the thousands of saucy stories will have you looking at our founding fathers in a whole new light.
With titles like "Taken By The T-Rex" and "Ravished By The Triceratops," dinosaur erotica is all about women and men — see title "Pterodactyl Turned Me Gay" — who attempt to kill the powerful beasts but succumb to their own carnal desires instead.
While the move into bestiality might be too much for some, dinosaur and other monster erotica has become increasingly popular in the literary field. Rawr.
Sadly, this category hasn't blown up as much as the previous two. The most popular read, "Garden Gnome Sex Party," is about a woman named Jenny who is surprised to discover that when the sun goes down. her garden gnomes come out to play.
And "they know how to use those pointy red hats to please a woman." Um...
Yep, more inanimate objects coming to life just to do it.
In the what we hope is the only jet plane erotica out there, this "sexy" aircraft is also billionaire and a black-jack card counter. The Amazon description reads: "This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on gay plane action, including anal, blow jobs, facials, rough sex, and billionaire plane love."
Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy are getting into more than their typical adventures in these erotic stories.
A popular category of fan fiction, My Little Pony erotica reached a whole new level last year, when an inflatable, life-sized sexy Rainbow Dash was created. The toy caused one "brony" — a subculture of adult male fans of the show — to say "This is why I'm slowly regretting becoming a brony, this community is just delving deeper and deeper into the disgusting."
The dead come back to life for a little action in these erotic novels.
"The Mummy's Gift" e-book comes with complete with a creepy cover and a desire to never be left alone in a lab with mummified corpse.
Another kids' show taken by the grips of erotica.
Teen Titans Go erotica popular among many of the fan fiction sites and message boards. Typically, the stories focus on characters who already have budding romances in the show and are treated with more romance than a kid cartoon would ever allow.
Now we're getting some weather erotica folks!
In "Taken By The Lightening Bolt," the focus is on a man who is — for reasons unexplained — humping a metal sculpture of a horse outside the Denver International Airport. Read on:
"I was dry-humping the solid metal back of the horse and holding up my iPhone so I could send a picture unsolicited to people on OKCupid when ..."
Appropriately titled "My Wooly Mammoth Boyfriend," this very specific erotica can show what happens when you give up on men all together — hint hint, your best friend might set you up with a prehistoric animal.