Why Married Sex Is 100X Better Than All The Kinky Sh*t I Used To Do

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Why The Kinkiest Person I Slept With Wasn’t My Best Sex
Sex

All the kinky sex I had was really about showmanship, power and risk more than actual fun.

'm here to let you know that if you're on the fence about trying out some kinky bedroom activities, there's really no need.

The kinkiest sex I ever had wasn't the best sex I ever had.

What does kinky mean anyway? Anything a little bit out of the ordinary, something not vanilla, more like Rocky Road dripping with hot fudge and sprinkled with nuts.

Most of those experiences for me came from when I was what our modern day speak would call a "ho." I was sleeping around, which unfortunately, is still looked upon negatively, based on your gender.

For me, there was something about the danger of having sex in unexpected places with unexpected people with unexpected items that made it thrilling. (Danger and kinky go together so well, don't they?)

Some of my most kinky experiences included having sex in a major hurricane  and I mean literally in a hurricane. Outside, in a fallen tree with the wind ripping our hair this way and that, with a man I had just met. (By the way, I don't recommend you try this at home.)

Then there was the guy who had the Catholic schoolgirl fantasy ad nauseam. We did the costumes, the whole role-play like we were sneaking around from my parents and his principal. For him, the fantasy included lots of slapping because, you know, I was a naughty little girl. I almost went to the hospital over one boisterous encounter. But yeah, it was hot.

Then there was the guy who wanted to try anything and everything, including wrapping my entire body in heavy-duty plastic wrap. We're not talking about the cheap stuff you buy at the grocery store; this was commercial-grade plastic wrap made for packaging heavy machinery in.

Of course, once I was plastically mummified there wasn't much we could actually ... do. He was another guy into the whole schoolgirl thing, which actually seemed to be a bit more schoolboy when he asked me to cut my hair really short. I kind of liked it ... for a little while.

Then there was the guy with the strap-on. I was kind of surprised by his fantasy because he was very macho but that just goes to show you that sometimes macho makes up for ... other things. Like, really wanting to be f*cked with a strap-on.

He was into the whole S&M thing too, so as I was inclined to do at the time, I went along and it was an experience. Kind of exciting to be stretching my limits, but a little painful, too.

Ménage a trios — that was a definite experience to write about. Not write home about, but you know, write in a journal then burn it and never tell anyone about, but here I am telling you.

Then there was the guy who really wanted to pee on me. Yeah it was a one-time thing.

The biggest problem with the kinky sex is, honestly, it's messy, complicated, painful and yes, kind of dangerous, which, depending on your personality, may be what makes kinky sex so tempting.

Nowadays, I'm in a monogamous relationship, married and a mom, so I'm definitely a whole lot tamer. I'd much rather fantasize with one person than run around with lots of different people doing all sorts of crazy things, experiences which most often ended in guilt, stickiness and years of therapy.

Now with my husband, even though the sex isn't exactly kinky, my orgasms are stronger and better. He knows what I like and he knows how to give it to me. We think more about pleasure rather than novelty.

And seriously, with three kids in the house, it's not so easy to be kinky anymore. And I'm so tired most of the time that I don't have the energy to be creative.

So if you haven't had kinky sex and you're wondering if you should leave your vanilla lover, don't go running out the door. Why not just explore the possibilities with the person (or people) you're with. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

What it boils down to is all the kinky sex I had was really about showmanship, power and risk more than actual fun.

Trust me, having sex in a hurricane was actually kind of scary, resulting in my partner not being able to even keep it up. F*cking the guy with a strap-on just resulted in long-term therapy. And the plastic wrap? Well, that actually did feel oddly good, but my kitchen's sad excuse for plastic wrap would never be up to the task of containing me and all my awesomeness today.

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