Sometimes being one of the guys is just plain old ridiculous.
1. You are suddenly privy to excruciatingly intimate details of your dude friends’ sex lives.
AKA: The texture and taste of things you (guaranteed) did not want to know about. Which will ultimately prevent you from ever seeing these poor girls again without picturing them naked. Ew. TMI! TMI!
2. You regularly find yourself trying a disgustingly frothy, thick, syrupy beer because they’ve managed to convince you that it’ll taste good.
You ALWAYS regret it. Every. Single. Time.
3. You are teased (frequently) with Mennist tweets/jokes/sayings/catch phrases.
For example, (but not limited to): “Women shouldn’t be allowed to drive. They don’t need a car to get to the kitchen.” Ha. Ha. Sooooo funny.
4. Your life is definitely put on blast (quite often).
And all of the following is fair game: the guys you’ve dated, the heel-boots you’re wearing in the snow, that party three years ago where you kissed that weird dude, the time you slipped on ice, etc. Nothing is sacred.
5. You are the guinea pig of their tragic pickup lines and attempts at flirting.
So for the love of God (and hope for all the females out there) help them figure out what to say and how to text.
6. You eat (a lot) of fried foods.
AKA: One or both of these two things: some form of potatoes (fries, potato wedges, etc.) and something cheesy (probably pizza or mozz sticks). And you may or may not be judged for how much you can put back. But who cares? (Not this girl.)
7. You are a bandwagon fan of whatever game’s on TV.
And they’ll turn to you every few minutes and go, “Did you see that? Did you see that?” So if you’re not into it, at least try to seem remotely interested.
8. If you’re a fan of a specific team, the guys a.) don’t believe you, and b.) demand that you name at least five players.
Because, you know, you’re a woman and all, so you probably have no clue, right? (Wrong).
9. You hear the words ‘dude’ and ‘bro’ probably 50 times per conversation (at least).
So start counting and call them out on that ish. They’ll get butt-hurt about it, which is hilarious.
10. You are constantly enlightened by all the crazy sh*t they’ve done in the past days, weeks, months, years.
They like to talk brag about that stuff. (Much wow. Total bada$$).
11. You are continually asked super personal, but definitely genuine questions about your life.
But you can’t talk too long because they don’t really want to chat about your love life and drama, they just want to make sure you’re good. AKA: Good enough to chill with them without bursting into tears.
12. You laugh. A lot. Fruity-drink snorting type of laughing.
Because they either say something completely ridiculous or give someone sh*t about something that’s totally terrible, but too good not to laugh.
13. You spend however many endless hours listening to their favorite sh*tty music.
(JK it’s not that bad…but if you’re lucky enough to get the aux cord in the car, you better play something good.)
14. You get hit on.
Jokingly, innocently, actually, and obnoxiously.
15. You are playfully shoved, pushed, poked, hugged, and fake-tripped.
And don’t bother to do your hair, because you’re guaranteed a nuggie or two.
16. You are always receiving unsolicited, off-the-cuff dating advice.
Or general tips on how to live your life. Listen. (But don’t take this too seriously.)
17. If you dare to ask for male/dating-related advice, be prepared.
Prepared for jokes about your emotional instability and embarrassing life choices, followed by questions regarding your sex life. (Do not answer those.)
18. There is swearing from all parties. (Including you.)
And potential bar fights because this random dude looks at you wrong. Or because one of your guy friends is cheering for some other guy’s enemy team and the guy gets super salty. (PS: Get the hell out of the way.)
19. There are spills.
Beer, wings, ranch dressing, water, freaking everything. Just accept the fact that your shirt will probably be stained. But you’re not (and won’t ever be) their mommy, so make them clean up their own damn messes.
20. But no matter what, you are included.
Because you’re obviously pretty freaking cool if you can handle them and their shenanigans. And (they won’t ever tell you this, but) they really do enjoy having you around.
Marisa Donnelly is a carboholic, Pit-Terrier lover, and graduate of Waldorf College who enjoys running, teaching young adults, and writing controversial blogs about love and being a twenty-somethings female. A contributor for Thought Catalog, PuckerMob, and Lies About Parenting, you can read her best work on her personal site, simplytwentysomethings.com.
This article was originally published at Thought Catalog. Reprinted with permission from the author.