No, your resting bitch face isn't going to be your demise.
By Zahra Barnes
When you’re single, there’s almost nothing more irritating than well-meaning people who think they know exactly why you’re on your own. In fact, the only thing more annoying might be when you actually start to believe what they’re saying.
Of course when taken to the extreme, some of the following 19 factors might be getting in your way of finding love. But if they’re true within reason, you can probably stop worrying that one of them is at the root of your singledom.
1. Because you sleep with people on the first date.
It’s the 21st Century. The “women who like to have sex when they feel like it are sluts” jig is up. The right person won’t care if you have sex when you feel like it.
2. Because you don't sleep with people on the first date.
Waiting is cool, too! Basically, whatever you do or don’t feel comfortable doing sexually is not why you’re single. If someone freaks out over it, consider it an easy way to weed them out.
3. Because you don't have a "perfect" body.
No one does. Having physical “flaws” is a prerequisite for being a human, period. Fill your head with more pressing concerns, like which underwear makes you feel like the sexiest person to step foot on this planet. Figure it out, then wear that whenever you’re doubting how hot you are.
4. Because you have issues.
Pretty much everyone is emotionally damaged in some way. If you can make it through this screwed-up world—filled with romantic rejection and those Sarah McLachlan ASPCA commercials—without a few internal scars, I salute you. Otherwise, it’s normal to have some emotional battle wounds.
5. Because you're quirkier than Zooey Deschanel wearing a unicorn horn.
So what if you don’t fit a certain cookie-cutter mold? Letting your (fabulous) freak flag fly instead of hiding it is a great way to find someone who’s into every part of you, no matter how eccentric.
6. Because you have no idea what you want to do with your life.
You’re not directionless, you’re ~finding yourself~. As long as you’re motivated to figure out your dreams, the right person will want to come along for the ride.
7. Because sometimes you order your own dessert instead of sharing.
Possessiveness isn’t good when it comes to another person, but when it comes to chocolate mousse? Totally understandable. (Stabbing someone’s hand with your fork when they want to try some is not OK, though.)
Don’t worry that not always being the picture of health and fitness “sends the wrong message,” because first of all, indulging is healthy. Secondly, what message would that be? That you have the good sense to stave off hanger before it arises?
8. Because whenever you open an online dating app, you feel your soul leaving your body.
While dating apps can be a clutch way to meet people, there’s nothing wrong with you if they aren’t your thing. There are plenty of other ways to connect with someone promising, like having a meet-cute in the supermarket when you both reach for the last jar of salsa.
9. Because you think Dante had no idea what he was talking about, bars are clearly the ninth circle of hell.
If you prefer hanging out at home swiping left and right to packing yourself into a crowded bar, more power to you.
10. Because you have resting bitchface.
Raise your hand if your resting facial expression has scared off enough people to fill the kind of bar where you’ve watched other, smilier women attract suitors in droves! As tempting as it is, forcing yourself to seem peppier than you are will only backfire in the end.
Embrace your RBF, because the right person will either see past it or think it’s endearing. Plus, it comes with benefits.
11. Because you have a mental illness.
People who have a mental illness can still have loving, awesome relationships, and it’s not because they hide them. This video is proof that being open about mental illness can make a relationship better.
12. Because you don't love yourself enough.
Knowing that you’re a quality human being is definitely a good foundation for a relationship, but there are two problems with this reasoning.
First of all, sometimes you do think you’re wonderful, so when people say this you’re like, “WTF else am I supposed to do, build a shrine to myself and pray at it every night?” The other issue is that sometimes people who absolutely hate themselves still find love, so clearly there’s a flaw in this logic.
13. Because you like to wear this or that on dates.
Something this minimal usually isn’t important enough to be either a deal-breaker or deal-maker. Wear what makes you feel most confident, because that’ll probably leave a way bigger impression on your date than the clothes.
14. Because you're super successful.
To the person you’re meant to be with, you being successful won’t be intimidating, it’ll be an impressive turn-on. You just need to find the Jay-Z to your Beyoncé, aka the person who supports how incredible you are instead of seeing it as a problem.
15. Because you want a relationship.
Newsflash: it’s OK to think having a partner would add something to your life. You can be a fulfilled single person and still think a relationship would make you happier, but you can also feel like something’s missing because you’re not dating someone!
16. Because you don't have a complicated mathematical formula that dictates when to text someone back.
Withholding a bit can definitely help boost your intrigue—that tension in the beginning can stoke the flames of attraction. But you also don’t have to follow some specific rule to seem so disinterested that you literally could not care if this person fell off the face of the earth.
It’s fine to show your interest! It doesn’t make you desperate, it makes you an awesome, empowered woman who doesn’t think “playing the game” suits her.
17. Because you're not trying hard enough.
It’s exhausting to conform to some made-up standard of trying enough without trying too hard! That line can seem so thin it’s basically non-existent, so feel free to ignore toeing it in favor of just doing what feels right.
18. Because you broke someone's heart and now have bad dating karma.
This is probably not a thing. Except when it comes to your ex who cheated on you. Then yes, keep believing it is.
19. Because you actually have standards.
Sure, sometimes people are actually too picky. But if you want regular things like someone you’re attracted to who happens to think the world of you, you’re not asking for too much. Promise.
This article was originally published at Self. Reprinted with permission from the author.