If You're A 6, You Don't Deserve A 10 (#SorryNotSorry)

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Fantasy Man
Love, Self

Make yourself into someone that would be anyone's fantasy before you worry about the fantasy itself.

It goes without saying that we all see ourselves as the heroes of our own story. That being the case, there's an expectation that only good things should happen to us, and only the best people should ever cross our paths.

And when it doesn't happen, it can't possibly be our fault. For every time we've had our hearts broken, been cheated on, or have been simply underwhelmed by a significant other, we find ourselves longing for something better.

Recently, I overheard a woman complain about her love life, contemplating why she couldn't have some hard-drinking, hard-living lover full of life who could give her the sort of adventure that's sorely missing in her life.

As I listened to her construct the man of her dreams in her mind, I couldn't help but wonder, Do you really deserve that? What's so incredibly special about you and your choices that somehow you deserve a happy ending that you've done so little to actually earn?

Sounds harsh, huh? Follow me for a minute.

No one is really born to lose. And when it comes to love, pretty much every good or bad thing that happens begins with a choice. We rely on our choices not only in people, but also in ourselves.

When something goes south and everything is miserable, you may find yourself thinking, "You know, something good really should happen for me, even though I'm not willing to do anything to change my circumstances. Just give me something better because by god, I've suffered enough as it is."

But maybe the problem is you.

Of course, nobody wants to think that maybe they're the problem but if everyone you date turns out to be a lying, cheating scumbag, or a lazy, lifeless lover, maybe your inability to make the right choices are to blame. No matter how much you wish for the perfect man, you're going to continue to end up with bad dudes because you expect everything to change — except for you.

People who are in happy relationships with good, not perfect, significant others never waste time creating fantasies because they're actually good with things  not only because they lucked out with a good choice, but they're also contributing to their own happiness.

Sometimes it feels like an equation, right? You could give your all but if the initial choice you made is poor, all that effort is meaningless. By the same regard, if you invest nothing how can you expect anything?

In the end, the only reasonable answer is to be the best version of you that you can possibly be. And if you are, but you still find duds, what can you do about it?

Suffer, I guess. 

Or, maybe there's an alternative.

It's not just about choices or dreams about what you wish you could have. Life is a gamble, but often we overlook everything we need for everything we want. You don't need your fantasy to come true  you just need to be worthy of the happiness you think you deserve.

Pay attention to your surroundings. Don't discount things that require a little work for something that feels easier. If you're not happy, don't hang onto things because you're afraid to be alone. Don't settle for less, but don't reach for things you can't grab due to your own limitations.

Those who are most comfortable with themselves often find themselves in comfortable situations. That means your fantasy can come true so long as it's grounded in the best reality you contribute to.

In this life, we're owed nothing, least of all a perfect mate. If you want it, you have to make it happen. Make yourself into someone that would be anyone's fantasy before you worry about the fantasy you want.

At least that way, if things don't work out (as they happen to do), you can at least be at peace enough with yourself in order to let something else good come into your life. That's how you become worthy of any happy ending, even ones you create in your own mind.


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