32 Glaring Signs YOU Are The Facebook Friend Everyone Hates

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fb friend

Yep, you're THAT person.

By Kristyn Filip

Do you ever get the feeling that you’re “that friend” on Facebook? You know, the one who drives everyone else absolutely insane?

If you’re not sure, don’t worry: consider this list your unofficial diagnostic test.

The following are 32 surefire signs that you are the Facebook friend everyone hates to have.

1. You have no concept of what it means to over-share, particularly when it comes to your relationships and the contents of your children’s diapers.

2. You caption your selfies with inspirational quotes.

3. You are homophobic, racist, transphobic, or misogynistic.

4. You have never fact-checked anything in your life.

5. You frequently post vague and alarming status updates like, “Worst day ever. Can’t believe that just happened. I am in total shock right now. What is this world coming to?!”

6. You have no idea that The Onion is a satirical news source.

7. You believe in “energy”, “positive vibes”, and “auras.”

8. You humblebrag.

9. You get involved in “mommy wars.”

10. You share photos with captions that read, “Hi, I’m Jayden, and I’m five. I’m dying of cancer, and if this photo gets 2 million likes, my parents will take me to the hospital!”

11. You genuinely believe that “1 Like = 1 Prayer”.

12. You have never bothered to learn the difference between “your” and “you’re”.

13. You regularly post countdowns to trips, weddings, and the next time you’ll see your significant other (six hours and counting!).

15. You have extreme religious or political views, and you have no qualms about BROADCASTING THEM ALL IN CAPS LOCK.

16. Your most abused hashtag is “#blessed.”

17. You invite people to play FarmVille.

18. You post incessantly about whatever period scheme or “multi-level marketing” product you’re hawking this month.

19. You would describe yourself as “quirky” or “goofy.”

20. You know nothing about Marilyn Monroe, yet you do not hesitate to attribute any number of your favorite “inspirational quotes” to her.

21. You post photos of every token of affection you’ve ever received from your significant other.

22. You write rude, sassy little “letters” about random events that have upset you during the day. (ie. “Dear mail carrier, thanks for NOT closing my mailbox lid properly. Now my coupons are soaking wet. Fan-fucking-tastic. Signed, a very pissed off coupon queen!!!!”)

23. You regularly complain about the so-called decline of the customer service industry.

24. You get into online arguments.

25. You upload “candid” photos of you and your friends doing things that are very obviously staged, like throwing autumn leaves into the air and laughing uproariously about it.

26. You “hate drama.”

27. You congratulate your friends for surviving your Facebook clean sweeps. (ie. “I just deleted a ton of people from Facebook, so if you can read this, congratulations. You’re one of my real friends.”)

28. You believe in the concept of a “real woman.”

29. You post rude comments on celebrities’ public Facebook pages.

30. Your Facebook page is essentially a shrine to your significant other or your baby.

31. You have been told that you need a lot of attention.

32. You are a conspiracy theorist.

This article was originally published at The Gloss. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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