She wouldn't mind if your wife disappeared from the face of the earth.
If your mother doesn't like your wife, you probably have a good idea that she's not happy with your better half. But my comprehensive list that your mom hates your wife will be the real tip-off as to whether your mom is #TeamWife or #TeamIWantMySonBack.
It's no secret that mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws can clash from time-to-time. Typically, it's simply a case of two strong personalities, two different personalities, or perhaps the case of one mom who can't let her son go. For me, I was the hated wife and let me tell you: it sucked, plain and simple. There were many times I wish my ex handled the situation, but it's hard to be between two women you love.
Men, remember this: you chose your wife. You chose to get married. You picked her as your family. Stand by her side and don't let your mother's hatred or anyone's hatred get between you and your marriage or you will slowly watch as your marriage disintegrates. Here's how to tell if your mom hates your wife.
1. She tells you.
If your mother told you she hates your wife, she hates her. She's not having a menopausal mood swing (most likely) nor is she drunk. Your mom won't dare to utter these words without meaning them unless she's extremely hot-tempered and unstable, or intoxicated. Those are strong words to take back, either way.
2. She ignores your wife.
There were many times my ex-mother-in-law blatantly ignored me. Ignored my phone calls. Ignored my questions. It was awful. If you notice your mom giving your wife the blow-off, she hates her. Congrats! You've officially entered Mom and Wife drama territory.
3. Nothing your wife does is ever good enough.
If the constructive criticism your mom gives your wife is constant, then guess what? It's not constructive; it's just criticism. Your mom may do things differently than your wife does, but this doesn't mean your wife's ways are invalid. Sometimes it's hard to understand the way another person operates.
4. She doesn't want to be alone with your wife.
Does your mom only see your wife when you happen to be around? Chances are she's uncomfortable with your best mate and indeed may hate her.
5. All holidays are on Mom's terms.
Does it seem that holidays are always at your mom's, with mom's recipes, and with your mom's traditions even if the two of you have kids? Your mom may think your wife doesn't know how to celebrate the "right way," AKA her way.
6. She's no stranger to making comments about your wife's weight.
There were comments about my cooking (OK, I suck at it) and my weight (I'm thin, so sue me). This is a nice and easy target for women to use when they feel like making underhanded comments about each other, especially if your mom happens to be an awesome cook.
Either way, these types of remarks are catty and common when a mother-in-law just CANNOT stand the likes of her daughter-in-law.
7. She showers everyone with gifts and gestures except your wife.
If your mom seems to make all sweet gestures for you, going out with a bang on your birthday or perhaps Father's Day, all while doing the least possible for your wife, chances are she's disdainful of her. She doesn't want your wife to get any love or attention.
8. She misses you profusely — and shows it.
If your mom is crying over you being out of the home, talking about how much she misses you ad nauseam, or acts completely disgusted about your relationship, guess what? She hates your wife, plain and simple.
9. She reluctantly attended the wedding.
Was your mom depressed at the wedding? When the waiter asked if she wanted chicken or fish at the reception meal did she respond, "cremation"? If she looked like she was attending a funeral and not a wedding — either in dress or with facial expressions and behaviors — you know what that means.
10. She makes negative or strong comments about your wife's:
- Mothering style
- Political beliefs
Whether your mom truly hates your wife or not, remember this: you chose to marry this woman, so honor her and stand by her side ... unless you want to get a divorce.
In the same vein, respect your mom and tell her that while you love her and nothing will change that, you also love your wife and would like the two of you (Wife and Mom) to get along as civil as possible. If she truly cherishes you, she will do her best to be on her best behavior even if she hates your wife.