The NY Times Love Editor Shares His Top 3 Tips For A Happy Marriage

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Relationship Advice From Modern Love's Editor

This guy knows everything about love.

If anyone knows about love, it's Daniel Jones, editor of the very popular Modern Love column in The New York Times.

He's been editing the column since October 2004. Although they receive approximately 7,000 submissions a year, they only publish 52 essays. All the essays that make it onto the pages of The New York Times have a very distinct story about love.

As Jones says in an interview with The New York Times, the ones that haunt him the most are the ones where people are "faced with wrenching choices and act bravely. I think: Would I have been that brave? And usually my answer is, probably not!"

In Jones' words the ideal Modern Love column offers a "smart and emotional take on a contemporary relationship problem." As at least 47 book deals have come after being published on Modern Love, it's clear that what moves Daniel Jones moves nearly everybody.

It's also clear that the topic of various kinds of love and relationships resonates with us all. Here's some of his best relationship advice.

1. Be kind: "You can make a relationship or marriage last a long time through simple kindness," Jones says. According to an article in The Atlantic, kindness is what glues couples together. There's also evidence that proves that the more kindness someone receives or witnesses, the more they'll be kind themselves, which in turn leads to more love and generosity in their relationship.

2. Don't be rigid: Jones says, "I see a lot of anxiety and unhappiness in people who try to plan out their love lives too carefully or who try to forecast how happy they'll be based on certain choices they make, like whether or not to have children." But life is about happy accidents sometimes.

If you decide your future mate must be a lawyer or doctor, then you miss out on all the great architects or chefs. If you aren't flexible, you can't compromise and every good relationship is about give and take.

3. Be curious: Those people who tell the world to bring it are often the happiest. Jones says, "You can experience a lot of joy in life by being curious and openhearted about what's to come." Curiosity is important because it makes your mind active instead of passive, helps your brain recognize new ideas, opens up new worlds and interesting possibilities, and creates excitement.

Kindness, flexibility and curiosity don't just help improve your relationship — they can better your entire life.


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