Whether you want to hear it or not, she'll tell you anyway.
Moms of all kinds are known for telling things as they are, but Jewish moms will give you lip with no holds-barred, 24/7 — especially when it comes down to her beloved Jewish son. Most mothers probably think no one is good enough for their sons, but giving up an adored Jewish boy for another woman? That's downright painful for your Jewish mother.
Here are some things your Jewish mom thinks about your girlfriend that she's either telling you, or not telling you. For your sake, I hope that sometimes she keeps quiet ... but I won't hold my breath.
1. Being a Shiksa is a no-no.
If your girlfriend isn't Jewish but just loves Jewish men, chances are your mom has stated loud and clear that she doesn't like it. She might ask you if your woman plans to convert ten times a day, or perhaps she doesn't really care and accepts your girlfriend. Either way, no matter where she falls on the spectrum, a small part of her might wish your lady were Jewish.
2. Wearing anything too risqué is cause for concern.
If your girlfriend is a modern dresser or a bit risqué, I'm certain your mother has stopped the press to announce this tragedy. Tattoos, too-tight clothes, too-loose clothes, too bohemian, too odd are all sinful to your Jewish mother. And worse, she may have even commented directly to your girlfriend herself. Ouch!
Is your girlfriend not quite the fashion plate? You may not care, but your Jewish mother may see an opportunity to take your woman and bring her to your mom's favorite stores. Don't be surprised if you hear of a "shopping trip". Even if it's disguised as a trip for your mom, she will somehow turn it around into a "Let's dress up the girlfriend!"
3. If she's an Ivy League graduate, your mom will never stop talking about it.
If your girlfriend is educated, your Jewish mother will brag about this woman's education to anyone who asks as if this girl is her own daughter. If she isn't educated, your mom will shake her head silently ... unless your girlfriend is making bank.
Education is very important to Jewish parents, so if you bring home an Ivy League educated lady, expect to be your mother's favorite for a very long time.
4. She appreciates a good sense of humor.
Does your girlfriend have a fabulous sense of humor? Your Jewish mom will absolutely approve! Larry David, Sarah Silverman, Jerry Seinfeld, Gilda Radner, and more, Jews have an abundance of funny people in our tribe. A girlfriend that can make your mom laugh is guaranteed to earn a lot of praise from your mother.
5. But being too passive is a deal-breaker for her.
If your woman is too passive, your Jewish mom will drive right over her in her own driveway. As much as your mom might not love having another woman (especially one that stole her precious Jewish son), go head-to-head with her and she will respect your girlfriend if she's an assertive woman and sets good boundaries. And if your Jewish mom doesn't respect your girlfriend, you won't hear the end of it, ad nauseam.
6. Having children is an absolute must.
If your main squeeze doesn't want children and your Jewish mother catches wind of this, she will staunchly disapprove ... unless perhaps, she's a mega- feminist. Expect this to be a behind-the-scenes argument with your Jewish mother, especially if you don't want children either.
If you tell her the two of you aren't interested in children, she will put the blame squarely on your girlfriend. And if the two of you get engaged? Eek! Again, if your mom is very modern, that's fantastic, but the average Jewish mom will most likely disapprove.
7. Slackers are the epitome of failure.
A Jewish mom doesn't mind if your woman is a princess, as long as she has a career or the potential to have one. Jewish moms love hard workers and successes — the kind of woman that people look up to and applaud.
Bringing home a slacker, or the average everyday woman, will most likely bring on disapproval from your Jewish mother who believes the world revolves around you, only you. And therefore, unless you marry Super Jewish Woman, no one is quite possibly good enough.
So, in other words, good luck pleasing your Jewish mother! Don't even try. Just date someone who mirrors your values and beliefs, and makes you happy. How can a Jewish mother deny a woman who makes her beloved son happy? She can't!
This article was originally published at www.jdate.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.