Your tongue can be used in more than one way.
Hot sex isn't just about having the right moves; it's about connecting with the person in your bed and having an incredible experience together. For some, dirty talk is a key ingredient in making good sex great.
In fact, research has shown that talking dirty stimulates the preoptic area of the brain, which deals with mating behavior. This area of the brain is twice the size in men as it is in women, meaning there's a good chance many male partners are looking to start a conversation.
While there's no right or wrong way to talk dirty, knowing what to say (and how to say it) can be a little tricky. Here are 10 rules of tongue to keep in mind when trying to seduce your partner with your words.
1. Take things slow.
Just as most of us wouldn't “do everything” the first night we have sex with someone, dirty talk is best layered over time. A "Do you like that?" and "I love the way that feels" is a safe way to start. Your partner's reaction will give you insight into their comfort level. Getting too excited and taking things too far is a sure-fire way to killing the mood.
2. Don't get offensive.
Unless specifically requested (and we doubt it will be), don't use the C-word in or out of the bedroom. The same goes for derogatory names such as slut, whore, or b*tch. You see where this is going.
3. Keep things dirty, but not graphic.
The goal is to seduce, not shock. Some graphic statements can be a major turn-on for some, but you don't want to turn-off those who prefer a gentler approach. Allude to what you want without a heavily detailed play-by-play, at least in the beginning.
4. Don't play doctor.
There are a lot of words that can be used to describe certain things. Some are more clinical than others. When describing anything other than a nipple, a good rule of thumb would be to keep any term a doctor would use out of the bedroom. No woman wants to feel like they're at the OBGYN, and "penis" sounds a bit emasculating.
5. Make your partner feel hot.
Tell them how sexy they are, that you want them, that you can't wait to be inside of them/have them inside of you, and that you plan to keep them up all night. Feeling desired is what makes seduction so delicious, so put it out there.
6. Remember: This isn't a porn movie.
Most porn was made specifically with a male audience in mind and there's a good chance your girl needs or wants something a little different. Don't take her not saying things the way an adult actress does as a sign that you're doing something wrong, and don't automatically assume she wants you to speak to her the way actors in the movies do.
7. Expect some awkward moments.
This is real life. It happens. As with anything, practice makes perfect.
8. Don't forget to communicate.
Different things turn on different people and what may be hot for you may not be for your partner. The best way to know how far to go is to talk openly with your mate. No one should ever feel pressured to say, do, watch or listen to anything that makes them uncomfortable. That said, never shame or humiliate someone for their sexual desires. That's a big no-no.
9. Cut the chitchat.
Don't feel pressured to keep the small talk up. Total silence isn't fun, but neither is a never-ending dialogue. Leave room to breathe, moan, and let your body respond and relax naturally.
10. Have fun with it!
This doesn't have to be 50 Shades of Grey. It's OK to giggle, share and stumble. Sexy doesn't always mean serious; laughter is hot, too.
Brenda Della Casa is the Author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Editor-in-chief and Digital Content Strategist at Preston Bailey Designs, A Huffington Post Blogger and the Founder of BDC Life In Style. Facebook: BrendaDellaCasa, Twitter: @BrendaDellaCasa, Instagram: @BrendaDellaCasa.