You need to FEEL sexy before you can BE sexy.
By: Faith Streng
I had never even been to a strip club before I found myself unexpectedly bartending in one. A month before I had walked out on a high-pressure assistant position, and even though I was miserable and my health was rotten, I felt like I had failed. I didn’t have any sort of career plan to speak of or any strategy for financial stability, and all around I felt like a pathetic lame ass.
I was desperate for work, any work, and when I started at the topless bar I was convinced I had hit rock bottom.
Instead I found that the little divey strip club I’d stumbled into was just the place I needed to help me toughen up my spine and learn to love myself again.
My self-esteem was in the toilet, and the confidence that the dancers exuded captivated me. I had never seen a woman look at a man so daringly before. I had never seen a woman walk around in lingerie so boldly. I had never seen the trance that a woman’s seductive dance can weave.
I witnessed the female power that I had heard about but had never actually experienced. I learned that it’s not something “some women just have.” I watched dancers of all shapes, sizes, and ages cast the same spell.
Women just ARE sexy.
As I slowly healed from the stress of my previous job, observing the strippers began to change me. As men complimented me I started to feel like the woman they were flattering. Most customers were respectful, but those who weren’t would meet the wrath of my sass. Oddly enough, the more I stood up for myself the more my tips increased.
This new confidence directly affected my sex life. I had built up an impressive repertoire of sexy tunes from the club, and when Flight Facilities came on one night a spontaneous lap dance occurred for a lover.
I couldn’t believe how empowered and sexy I felt. I didn’t worry about how I looked or what I was going to do next.
It didn’t matter I couldn’t sling a leg over his shoulder drop down into the splits – I just moved in a way that felt good and sensual. I let his attraction and his desire fuel me.
He couldn’t get enough.
One of my customers carved intricate spanking paddles for several of the strippers. I’d enjoyed some light spanking in the past, but I started to really explore my pleasure-pain threshold. I was reminded just HOW MUCH I enjoyed a good smack to the rear, and the red marks left afterward, and embracing my fetish was enough to make each session even hotter.
There was an S&M club next door to the bar, and I learned the owner would hold classes. Flogging, knot tying, electricity… there was something for everyone. Occasionally videos would be shot there and the dancers would often be the performers. My experience with pornography had only scratched the surface, and as I learned more about various proclivities I let myself try out a broader range of adult entertainment, thereby enriching sex with a partner as well as my solo time.
After realizing just HOW visual men are, I let myself take my time as I undressed for my partner. I relished watching his eyes on my body as I rode him, and I allowed his admiring gaze to take my orgasms deeper.
The fluidity of the strippers inspired me to take a pole dancing class. My class was comprised of first-timers like me, regular attendees, and one former stripper trying to bounce back post birth. Before we covered basic pole moves, we did a sensual floor warm up.
I wasn’t thinking about seducing someone; I was enjoying my beautiful body. It was an incredibly liberating experience to be sexy just for the sake of it. I wasn’t thinking about my man, but that night the feeling returned and our sack session was one of the best we’d had.
I realized that how sexy I allowed myself to feel was in direct correlation to how satisfied I was in bed, and THAT is the key to mind-blowing sex.
I owe it all to the strip club.
This article was originally published at BlogHer. Reprinted with permission from the author.