The ULTIMATE betrayal.
By Esther Crane
It can happen even in the steamiest moment—you’re on the brink of an awesome orgasm … and then nada.
Maybe you got distracted by a nagging thought, like stressing out over unanswered work emails, or you were thrown off when your guy suddenly changed positions. Or maybe your climax just kind of petered out, and you’re not completely sure why.
Whatever’s going on, there are techniques you can use to get back in the zone. Allow us to talk you through.
1. Think of Channing Tatum.
Letting your mind go to your sexy place, wherever it is (that time you and your guy hooked up on the kitchen table, the hottie with the ridic biceps at the gym who always says hi), will get you on track for a satisfying finish.
“When you fantasize, your brain sends arousal signals throughout your body, and extra blood is directed to your genitals,” says Gail Saltz, M.D., author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life.
The less constrained your fantasy, the better: Women who allowed their minds to wander to their own scenario (as opposed to something scripted, like a scene from an X-rated novel) were more likely to show signs of being turned on, such as increased wetness, according to a recent study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
And, of course, more arousal usually means that the way your guy is touching/licking/whatever you is going to feel that much better.
2. Don’t spectate.
Now, notice your self-observational thoughts. (“Am I taking too long?” “Do my boobs look weird at this angle?”) Well, the intruding thoughts drown out the oh-yeah! ones, and that can make even the closest orgasm slink away.
“Suddenly you’re self-conscious of what’s going on instead of actually experiencing it,” Dr. Saltz says. To help you stay in the moment, engage your senses, especially your most dominant one.
So, for example, if you’re the tactile type, zero in on how his back muscles feel under your fingers. More visual? Get lost in how sexy his pecs look when you’re on top. If words and sounds really get to you, let out a string of yeses or mmms (odds are he’ll follow suit—even hotter).
Oh, and that thinking about Channing Tatum thing? Yeah, that helps shut up your mental peanut gallery, too.
3. Use the winning move.
Cool fact: Orgasms are a series of involuntary genital-area contractions—and you can help bring them on by tensing those muscles when your finish is close. As you feel yourself getting there, try to squeeze and release quickly a few times, so it feels kind of like rapid pulsing.
“Tensing your pelvic muscles stimulates the genitals, which will boost your excitement level so that you’re even more likely to climax,” says Rachael Ross, M.D., a clinical sexologist in Gary, Indiana.
Another benefit: The contractions clue your guy into the fact that you’re almost there (he can feel those telltale spasms), so he’ll be less likely to switch things up last-minute and you can finally, totally let gooo.
This article was originally published at Self. Reprinted with permission from the author.