Really, it's for the best.
For me, you and everyone else on this tiny ball of mass we call Earth.
However, it’s also a part of life and something you can’t avoid no matter which side of the fence you sit on.
Sometimes you’ll meet people you click instantly with. You’ll form bonds and friendships. Some leading to healthy relationships and others… not so healthy. Sometimes you’ll meet people you simply don’t want a future with, for a myriad of factors.
They might call and text you in a manner which you don’t like.
Ignore your personal space, and try to push themselves onto you.
Or simply, drive you up the wall.
But even after all this, for some reason, you always feel bad about letting them down, and you’re unsure why. You blame yourself for not being strong enough to tell them “no thanks,“ yet continue to let them wriggle their way into your life with advances you find apprehensible.
This article will teach you how to deal with men and women you’re not interested in,without feeling sorry for yourself.
Don't give any hints or lead them on to think you may be interested. Some people won’t take “no” for an answer. Saying “sorry, but I’m not interested” isn’t good enough.
Likewise, touting the popular phrase “sorry, but I have a boy/girlfriend” doesn’t imply anything. To some people you’re saying, “I want to be with you, but I can’t because I’m taken.”
Others would be more than happy to compromise your personal space even if you’re taken; to them, it’s just someone else’s turn! It’s just a minor hurdle or challenge they must overcome. And if they’re the type to chase, they’ll go through any obstacle until you set the terms for good.
People interpret what you say in many different ways. Most communication is non-verbal, so it’s not about what you’re saying to someone; it’s about how you’re saying it.
You may feel like it’s not your problem that your unsuitable lover can’t get enough of you. However, you’ll be the one dealing with their gestures of unsolicited affection. This is even more important if you’re already in a relationship. Think about how he/she must feel about having someone else trying to pinch their partner from them.
From my experience, most men and women aren’t concerned about the actions of the new love interest; they’re more concerned about how you handle them. If you fail to take heed of your partner’s concerns, this saga will have a detrimental impact on your relationship. Guaranteed.
Are you making any of these behavioral mistakes?
- Constantly hanging out with them, whether in a group or alone setting.
- Replying to their texts in ways which could be seen as suggestive.
- Complimenting them on their aesthetics and personality traits.
- Relying solely on them for emotional support, knowing full well that whilst they care about you; they hope one day, you’ll see them as your savior/knight in shining armor and will fall in love with them.
Reject them firmly, but fairly
I’m a huge advocate of giving people a chance and treating everyone with respect, but there comes a time where you must lay the hammer down and give out a permanent rejection slip. Especially if their actions are having a negative effect on other aspects of your life.
How you should reject someone depends on many factors; how much they mean to you, their approach, how much they respect you, and how you feel toward them.
Here are two firm but fair ways to reject a love interest:
1. The good friend who has developed feelings for you
“There won’t be a future between us. I respect all that you’ve done for me; however I don’t feel the same way as you do. I have no interest in having a relationship or otherwise with you. I can understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I’d just rather be honest than lie about the situation.”
2. The person who has very different values.
“Look you’re a good person, but I don’t feel like we’re a match at all. We have vastly different goals, beliefs and values. It wouldn’t be fair to lead you on with the belief that my feelings my change, so I’m telling you now. You should go after someone else because I’m just not interested. I hope you respect my decision as I’ve respected yours.”
As harsh as the above may sound, rejecting people and showing them how you truly feel is a far better approach at dealing with an unwanted love interest than giving them a sliver of hope that something could happen and ignoring the reality of the situation.
This article was originally published at Meet Mindful. Reprinted with permission from the author.