Photo: www.edibleanus.com
This is a real thing that exists.
By Christine Schoenwald — Written on Sep 30, 2015
People love chocolate. They like chocolate candy, chocolate milk, chocolate pudding, chocolate cake — I could go on and on. Chocolate is sweet, delicious, and can lift your mood when you're feeling down.
Chocolate comes in many different forms with everything from bunnies to clothing. In fact, you can pretty much get anything you want in chocolate form ... and that includes an anus.
Wait, what?!
Yes, you can buy chocolate anuses directly from Edible Anus, a British company that will ship to the United States. The key to any successful business is to sense a need for a product (in this case a literal candy ass) and supply it to the people.
If you want to get some chocolate anuses you must buy them in bulk, for Edible Anus only sells in multiples of 5. That's a lot of chocolate anuses. While I'm sure the chocolate anuses are delicious, I don't think they're something anyone would want to binge on.
Photos: Edible Anus
So, what can you do with all those extra anuses? Moms and Dads probably won't appreciate it if you gave out chocolate anuses for trick-or-treating. They're not good for stocking stuffers, either.
Luckily, butts are super trendy these days, so here are some suggestions for all those extra chocolate buttholes you have on hand:
1. Decorate a cake. Look like a professional baker by topping your cake with chocolate anuses. Is it Chef Duff Goldman or the Cake Boss? No, it's just a bunch of A-holes.
2. Give a housewarming party gift. Forget wine! Nothing says I have good manners than a box full of delicious and decadent chocolate anuses. Imagine how the hostess' face will light up upon opening.
3. Make baby Shower favors. One of the most popular baby shower games is the melted candy bar in the diaper game, so a bunch of chocolate anuses will fit right in with the theme.
4. Create an anti-Valentine's Day. You can't believe your (now) ex dumped you the day before Valentine's, so what better way to let him know that you think he's an ass than giving him a chocolate one?
5. Give a holiday present for your postal person. Years ago, I started giving my postman a gift card during the holidays, even though he's the worst mail carrier ever. Now I feel too guilty to stop. This holiday season, I've got a gift that has his name (which I don't even know) all over it.
6. Make a "white elephant" gift. Chocolate anuses are way better than the usual white elephant gifts of food baskets filled with sardines and old cheese that you usually get at those things.
7. Bring to your future in-laws' house. Nothing says, "I can't wait to be one of the family" than a chocolate anus. Be sure to include one of Edible Anus' Pop up Poo cards, which they promise is perfect for any occasion.
8. Put one on your lover's pillow. What better way to hint at wanting ass play than a box of chocolate anuses? Unless it's a chocolate sex toy, of course.
The bottom line is that you're only as limited as your imagination ... and the weather. No one wants a melted chocolate anus — that's just nasty.
