Women don’t always climax during intercourse, but they almost always do during masturbation. At least, if they’re prepared to put in a bit of practice, they do.
The first orgasm is usually the hardest to achieve. It may also be mild and fleeting, but it gets way better. And once a woman has orgasmed on her own, she has a much better shot at getting there when she has company.
So we’d like to share with you thirteen things every woman should know, whether you’ve never climaxed, you’d like to be multi-orgasmic, or you’re just in need of a masturbation make-over:
1. Get a mirror and check yourself out
It may sound crunchy, but the more familiar you are with what you’ve got, the better you can work it. Men have waged wars for that view; your partners find it sexy, and so should you.
2. Set aside time
Spend a rainy Saturday afternoon at home. Pull a sicky, sleep late, take the phone off the hook. If you’ve never climaxed before, give yourself an hour every few days to practice, but with no expectations of orgasm to avoid disappointment.
3. Put the moves on yourself
Light some candles, take a bath, drink a glass of wine, play that totally cheesy album you’d never admit turns you on, read the dirty parts of Anne Rice novels… It’s all about getting to (and staying in) the right mental place.
4. Warm up
If you insist on foreplay from your partners, then why not from yourself? Rub baby oil on your boobies and thighs, play with your nips, cup your vulva with a hand and rub gently.
5. Lend a hand
Use your palm. Use your knuckles. Use one hand to pull the mons tight and expose your clitoral head. Draw a circle around your clitoris with your middle finger. Make a double-handed fist and lie on it. Keep one hand on the genitals while the other goes wandering.
And try a little penetration action, either throughout the sesh, or right as you climax, in your vagina or maybe even your bum. You may not need this to reach an orgasm, but then again, maybe you do.
6. Use lube
All these moves will feel way better if you’re using purpose-made lubricant. Plus, a well-lubed clitoris can usually take more attention—and this might just be the key to your orgasm.
7. Do the hump
Ride inanimate objects on your bed—try pillows or balled-up sheets. Or walk around the house and grind whatever feels good—the rounded-corner of the bathroom sink, the washing machine on spin cycle, the couch arm.
8. Be a thigh master
Squeeze your thigh muscles, or rub your thighs together. Cross your legs at the ankles, cross them at the knee—or cross ’em in both places to really tighten things up—all the while doing your kegels.
Some lucky ladies can get off from this alone, but even if you can’t, a little lemon-squeezing will always enhance your me-time.
9. Take a loooong bath
Lie under the bathtub faucet, use your detachable shower head, straddle the jets in the pool if you’re the only swimmer, invest in a waterproof vibrator. Just make sure the water’s not scalding hot, and don’t aim a strong stream of water directly into your vagina—this can be fatal!
10. Get your mind into the gutter
Tell yourself a dirty story and give yourself a starring role. It’s not cheating if it’s all in your mind.
Try out that impossible position. Have a threeway. Have a fourway. Host an orgy. Indulge your damsel-in-distress fantasy. If you get writer’s block, use erotic novels, magazines, or films as a catalyst.
11. Break out the toybox
Some people say you shouldn’t use a toy until you’ve succeeded with your own hand. We say, whatever floats your little man in the boat. Plus, once you know what your orgasm feels like, it’s easier to get there by hand.
12. Show off your new skills
If you’ve got a special someone in your life, masturbate in the passenger seat while they’re driving—and don’t let them pull over. Or do it while they’re tied up on the phone with the office. Or while they’re tied to the bedposts.
13. Do it together
You eat together, shop together, choose wallpaper patterns together—why not diddle together?
It’s called mutual masturbation, and it rocks: You do you, your partner does themselves, and you both get to watch and play. It’s simultaneous voyeurism and exhibitionism, plus it’s the best way to see what really works for your partner. Do it as foreplay, or make a night of it.
So what are you waiting for, ladies?
This article was originally published at Em & Lo. Reprinted with permission from the author.