Look, I get dressed in the morning to get validated by men.
I know there's been a lot of hoopla lately when it comes to catcalling. There was that viral video of a woman walking through New York City and getting catcalled left and right. Then there's artist Tatyana Fazlalizadeh who put up posters saying "Stop Telling Women to Smile."
But I think all that stuff is crazy. In fact, I couldn't disagree more: Women should smile more.
What's up with the whole "resting b*tch face" thing? Why do women need to have a resting b*tch face? Ladies, no one gives a sh*t how you feel on the inside; you only exist for men to look at you.
I don't know why b*tches are so stuck-up, but I get why men are so annoyed by a non-smiling woman. I feel the exact same way when I encounter a man who doesn't smile. I like to call it "resting assh*le face."
I feel super-uncomfortable when I walk down the street and a man doesn't smile at me. When a man doesn't smile at me, a part of me dies inside. Am I not pretty enough? Is my skirt too long? Are my boobs not big enough? Is there food in my teeth? What is it?!
Are you a lawyer trying to secure amnesty for a political dissident? Don't care. Brain surgeon and you're operating on the President tomorrow? Don't care. Dude, I don't care if your house caught on fire! Because all that matters is that I feel good, damnit!
Look, I get dressed in the morning to get validated by men. So when one of them looks angry or sullen or just not smiley, it makes me sad. Because at the end of the day, as a woman my accomplishments don't really matter; I just want men to like me for my appearance.
And without their approval, I feel like I'm just a waste of space. Or like that plastic bag floating around in American Beauty. Then, I have to put on Katy Perry and listen to "Firework" over and over again just to get myself back on track again.
That sucks — and all because some dude couldn't f*cking be bothered to smile at me? Nope, he had to and have his "resting assh*le face" on instead. It's a pain to look at someone's face and have to deduce what's wrong with them. I'm sick of doing it.
Men of the world, please just smile at us all the time. Let's put an end to resting assh*le face. Stop having emotions of your own — it's completely unnecessary.
And while you're at it, stop wearing anything that turns me on, like a shirt where I can see your arm muscles or pants that are too fitted and I can see your bulge. That makes me super horny, and then I want to catcall YOU.