"Hulu and hang" just doesn't have the same ring.
There's a new euphemism that's Swiffering the nation: "Netflix and chill." No longer does this phrase mean getting crunk on boxed wine and watching a rad documentary about a French tight-rope walker until you fall asleep in a Snuggie with your mouth open.
No, "Netflix and chill" is now simply a Trojan horse for his d*ck. (The boxed wine is optional.)
I'm just wondering why we have to drag pure, innocent Netflix into our sexual escapades. Are people not capable of using the word "sex" with someone they want to have sex with? I would think that the act takes much more courage than the word.
Unless you're repressed to the point that your last name is Duggar ... I digress.
I simply want everyone to know what they might be getting into when they agree to "Netflix and chill." If someone had swindled me with false promises of a Twilight Zone marathon only to get in my pants I would:
- Call an ambulance for the heart that most definitely shattered inside my chest.
- Ask a judge if there are laws on the books that allow me to sue my Tinder date for bamboozlement.
Who thinks this counts as seduction anyway?
"Hey baby, let me scroll for 6 minutes past Adult Swim cartoons and straight-to-DVD Disney movies until we ultimately compromise on Big Mama's House 7: The Horse Is Dead, But Money Still Comes Out When We Beat It."
In my day, you drank booze together until you forgot standards were a thing you were allowed to have, and then fell asleep next to a 6/10 before you completely rolled the condom on. That's romance.
And what do us movie lovers do now that we've lost control of this phrase? I can't even invite my mom over to watch The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt now because of the implication.
We just have to accept this brave new world, I suppose.
As times change, so does language. My only hope is that when you do get invited for some "Netflix and chill," he's more of a thriller and less of a comedy.