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Selfish people don't know what healthy love looks like.
By James Michael Sama — Last updated on Jun 18, 2023
There are many perceptions of what "true love" looks like in today's society. People attempt to quantify it or put characteristics or actions or labels on it, but it's a difficult thing to define since every situation is unique.
Though, once we filter through all the pop culture interpretations and checklists of what someone who really loves you does or doesn't do, there's one thing that remains true in all types of "real" love.
Sometimes, it means putting someone else's happiness ahead of your own.
Love is about compromising with someone, or even sacrificing for them. This is why people think that love hurts; if it's one-sided, it will hurt.
But the only thing that message is telling you is that you've given your heart to the wrong person. In a situation where it's reciprocated, both people will be willing to give to the other.
For this reason, selfish people can never truly love another because they'll be less willing to compromise.
This will inevitably lead to one partner giving more of themselves than the other, which can cause resentment or confusion about feelings that are or aren't expressed.
This easily illustrates the importance of communication in all relationships. If a couple isn't meshing well or is facing an obstacle in their relationship, it first has to be determined that there simply isn't an easy fix, addressed by opening up to each other and expressing the frustration or challenge.
It's not the job of either partner in the relationship to keep track of the good and the bad — it's a mutual, team effort.
It's often forgotten that compromise needs to go both ways in order to actually be effective. The gap left by the distance you've budged from what you want is filled by the happiness of your partner. This is why great relationships are about give and give, not give and take.
While I fully believe in giving emotionally to your teammate, I also stress the point that there's such a thing as giving too much. You should never do something for others for the sake of a return, as kindness for the sake of a reward isn't really kindness.
If someone truly loves you, you'll know it and feel it. If they don't, you'll always be left wondering if they do.
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James Michael Sama is a relationship expert who writes about dating and relationships. He speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness, and has been featured in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
This article was originally published at James M Sama. Reprinted with permission from the author.