An answer to the age old question: "Why throw pillows?"
This time last year, I lived by myself in a studio apartment in the Lower East Side. Despite being tiny, the apartment was a killer bachelor pad. My girlfriend helped me decorate, but in general, the apartment screamed, "I'm man and I live here (alone)!"
One day my mom arrived with a gift. "You need these," she said. I opened the bag and found what every 26-year-old man wants: throw pillows.
Now, before receiving these, throw pillows were nothing more than pillows I'd literally throw, from my bed to my sofa, when I wanted to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.
Since receiving that gift, a lot has changed. About six months ago, I moved in with my girlfriend. And while there's a lot I'm still learning about living with a woman, I think I figured out one thing: Why throw pillows exist.
Forget the whole Along Came Polly shtick. Yeah, dealing with 65 decorative pillows before getting in and out of bed is just stupid, but the truth is, these accent pieces do so much more than bring out colors from the rug.
Having graduated from the bachelor pad, my living room has experienced a serious upgrade. No more "hide every stain sofa," Now, I have a stylish couch from West Elm that, frankly, isn't that comfortable.
As they say, fashion hurts, so at the most basic level, throw pillows are the first line of defense in the battle of comfort.
However, here's the screwy thing: it turns out that throw pillows actually aren't for your head. Throw pillows are nothing more than eye candy.
Throw pillows pull the room together. While I was living on my own, my mentality was the less I own, the less I can mess up. But there are some things that people need even though they think they don't need them.
Look, do I need to wear a watch? No. I'm never not looking at my phone, but I wear one any way. The same logic applies. Do I need pillows that aren't meant for sleeping? No. But damnit, I'm going to have a few on my bed and couch, too.
The final thing, and forgive me for getting a little philosophical here, but I really believe that when your throw pillows are on point, so is your relationship. Throw pillows are about maintenance, care, and for a guy like myself, require constant attention.
(Kalie, if you're reading this, I need to confess. When I get lazy, our throw pillows end up on the ground. They get mushed around by my large head, or even worse — stained.)
Sure, comfort is part of any pillow (read: relationship), but when you get too comfortable, things get ugly.
I never thought I'd say this, but fluffing a throw pillow is a lot like making dinner for my girlfriend. It takes effort, preparation, and a little bit of thought — but the yield is great. In the same way that my couch and living room now look good, my girlfriend knows I care and tried.
Throw pillows are a metaphor that women created to set us up for failure. They are a way to show "how will you handle me?"
Ladies, get with the times. When evaluating a man as a potential mate, enough with the "watch how he treats his mother" nonsense; that's old hat. The real way to tell how a man will treat you is how he treats his throw pillows.