I Tried Online Dating And Nobody — NOBODY! — Messaged Me Back

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I Tried Online Dating

For the life of me, I couldn't get a date.

I expected life after college to be hard. I entered the workforce in one of the more turbulent economic times in our nation's history, which meant I had to work harder to break into the communications industry and moving out of my parents house meant learning how to live on a strict budget, resulting in many Ramen noodle dinners the week before payday.

However, I never expected my dating life to be as difficult as it was.

For the life of me, I couldn't get a date. Just typing that sentence stings. As a single, straight female living in a metropolitan neighborhood, one would think it'd be fairly simple to meet men.

I'm not a huge drinker, so the bar scene was never really my thing. Not that there's anything wrong with it but I'm not into one night stands either.

Although I'm an introvert and would rather spend time with my cat while watching Netflix, I ventured out of my comfort zone and joined a co-ed softball league and registered for a comedy class.

That was a bust — most of the guys were taken, while the others showed zero interest in my lame attempts to flirt. When that didn't pan out, I turned to the one avenue that has never let me down: the internet.

As a writer and a marketer, it should've been almost effortless to create a dazzling dating profile, right?

I perused the catalog of men "selected" specifically for me. What could be better than having tailored dates sent to my inbox every day? Over a span of a week, I reached out to 10 different guys, crafting short but thoughtful messages. Radio silence.

Determined, I scoped out more matches, reached out, and waited for a bite. Nope. Another round of rejections. It felt like being shot down 20 consecutive times.

Twenty men who were perfect for me based on my personality and interests weren't interested in me, even though I "looked" and "sounded" my best. Even at my best, I wasn't desirable.

To someone who struggles with self-esteem issues on an hourly basis, this was a kick in the gut. 

After a month of only getting two messages from men who weren't my type, and receiving no response from any of my "matches" (there had to be over 40 at that point), I enlisted feedback from my friends. 

I switched out my profile photo, enlisted my best friend to write a wittier "about me" summary, and broadened my "match" settings. A full, complete digital makeover! I was hopeful my new and improved profile would gain traction. 

But then ... nothing.

My inbox remained empty, and my insecurities increased with each click. What was turning men away? Was it my looks? My personality? A combination of the two?

The speculation of what it could be rattled my confidence. If I'm being my true, authentic self and it STILL hasn't attracted anyone, then perhaps I have a bigger problem than trying to get a date. 

Online dating made me feel more alone and rejected than ever. Because it's was such a draining experience, I eventually made the decision to delete all of my online dating profiles — five altogether.

I honestly cannot be sure if this means that online dating is off the table forever. Every time there's a heartfelt feature in the news about a couple that found love on the Internet, the idea to log back in crosses my mind.

Since signing off online dating sites, I've worked to make myself more present in the moment. I'm still open to finding love in a variety of ways, but for now I'm placing my energy in the possibilities around me rather than rely on a router to deliver love to my inbox. 


Patrice Bendig is a Philadelphian who is trying to survive her twenties and not trip down any steps. She has been a contributor to Huffington Post. XOJane, Bustle and USA Today College. Follow her on Twitter @Patrice_Bendig for more hilarity. You can read her other musings on her blog, Quarter Life Writings, and view her portfolio at www.patricebendig.com. She can be reached at patrice.bendig@gmail.com

This article was originally published at The Huffington Post. Reprinted with permission from the author.


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