Think of it as a game you BOTH win.
The following excellent advice from “CaspianC” came in response to the post “My Husband Won’t Even Try to Give Me an Orgasm.” We’ve taken the liberty of editing it ever-so slightly into an easy-to-read list (our additions are in brackets).
I was in the same situation. Well, it’s an ongoing issue, but it’s getting better.
For those of you who commented saying that your husband or bf laughs at you or degrades you, your relationship needs drastic changes. For those whose man is causing physical pain or other abuse, if you are married seek serious professional help, if you aren’t married, get out of there now!
But for those, like me, who are in stable loving relationships, but aren’t getting the orgasms you need, it is time to look outside the box.
Try some of these ideas, and try thinking of some of your own.
1. [Keep score.]
My guy didn’t understand how big of an issue it was till I lovingly suggested we keep track. He had no idea he was getting orgasms so much more than me. (Yes, I wanted to scream).
Guys aren’t always that observant and have selective memories sometimes. Keep a tally board or calendar in your bedroom. Also make sure he knows how often would be nice for you to climax.
2. Try making up games.
Use his weaknesses. Is he competitive? Use your strengths. Keep it loving and fun. “I bet you can’t manage to kiss and lick every part of my body during sex tonight”, “if you give me an orgasm first, I’ll do the dishes”
3. Get in the mood first.
Watch a romantic movie. Listen to some sexually charged music. Dance alone in the dark. Make him wait and watch while you touch yourself. (He’s not allowed to touch you or himself).
Half the time they are on their way to orgasm, we are usually still trying to “get it up” so to speak. Being ready is half the battle.
4. Practice makes perfect.
For example, now when he complains or criticizes, I think in my mind, “yes, I was naughty. Take my body if you can!” Or some such.
5. [Set the scene.]
Atmosphere matters to women more. Get silk sheets. Light candles. Put on some sexy lingerie. Make a playlist that turns you on. Be selfish with these little things, after all, you obviously need it more.
6. Set rules!
Make consequences that are light and fun but still motivating. Be firm. Don’t let them get away with breaking the rules. Talk about it.
7. [Focus on your O before he gets his.]
Men lose the romance after they get off. This is natural. So you need to accept that either you get more tough on demanding foreplay, or you don’t get an orgasm. Don’t try to take it out longer after he has ejaculated.
7. Masturbate while he watches…
Do it when he is really horny. The way he will look at you will help you get there faster and easier.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
This article was originally published at Em & Lo. Reprinted with permission from the author.