At university, I was the only girl in my class. We studied business and took majors in finance and portfolio management. Those years had a huge impact on my personality.
When I looked into a man’s eyes, I did not imagine our kids.
Back then, all I wanted from life was a successfully corporate career. I did not want to get married, and I did not want kids. When I looked into a man’s eyes, I did not imagine our kids and did not think about what we would name the baby. I read Financial Times instead of Cosmo… and I hated weddings.
Since then, almost everything has changed, but that is a completely different story. Here are five reasons why I didn’t want to get married that mirror what some guys feel.
1. Losing Freedom
Guys who are not married have the freedom to do whatever they want. They can be free and careless. Even those who have girlfriends — or even after they live with someone — experience the illusion of freedom.
When you are not officially married, you always have this theoretical options of simply picking up your toothbrush and leaving everything behind. There are fewer complications and guilt involved.
You are free to go out with friends anytime you feel like. You don’t have to come back home at a certain time because no one is waiting for you. But when you decide to finally come home, you can bring a bunch of drunk friends with you… or a girl… Or, a few girls. I think you’ve got the picture.
Let’s face it. Different people react differently to change. Many are resistant to change and do their best to avoid it.
Marriage is one of the things that brings big changes into your life. Many do realize in advance that whether they want it or not but their whole lifestyle will need to change after marriage.
And what if you are happy with the way your life is now and want to keep it like that? It sounded like a good argument against marriage to me.
Before marriage, guys deal with a certain level of responsibility. No matter how much responsibility a guy has right now, after the marriage, it will drastically increase.
You will no longer have the privilege of acting irresponsible. You have to take care of your wife. You are responsible for the quality of your relationship.
Responsibilities often force us to grow up and make our life harder. What if you don’t want that? What if you feel like staying young and careless for a bit longer?
Yes, kids are the best thing in life, and I know this because I have one. But let’s respect the freedom of choice and admit that some may not want to have kids just yet.
Many guys think that marriage will lead to becoming fathers and that scares them. It is one thing to play with your sister’s baby for few hours and then leave. It’s a completely different thing when your baby is crying the whole night and you have early business meeting on the next day. So not being ready for babies may be one of the reasons guys decide not to marry yet.
I am sure most of us have heard different scary stories about ugly divorces. Some of us may have even been witnessing it with our parents. We see how bad it can go and what serious consequences it may have.
Of course, we would not like this to happen to us. That is why, some make the decision not marry at all to eliminate the possibilities of going through a painful divorce in the future.
All that being said, I am still the desperate romantic I’ve always been. I do believe that once you meet the one you fall in love with your brain switches off, and you completely forget all the reasons you had in your mind.
When you feel that you have met the one–that person will become the exception and no reasons will be valid anymore. At least that’s what happened to me. I eventually transformed into a happily married woman with 11-year-old son.
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.