Hint: He only cares about one thing.
I was reading an article the other day and a man referred to himself as a former "Tinman." His description of himself prior to receiving a much-needed heart implant triggered thoughts of dates gone by.
What is a Tinman? A Tinman, according to urbandictionary.com, is "a man without a heart" — AKA a womanizer.
A Tinman will say just about anything and be just about anyone to get into "Dorothy's" knickers; Dorothy being all women. A tinman's language is that of an accomplished artist painting vividly-colored pictures, adorned with words that relate to the future.
Their sentences begin with the word "We", as in when "we" go here, when "we" go there. No solid plans, no promises — just the illusion of intent.
Tinmen read our body language and ask questions to gauge who they should morph into to accomplish their ultimate goal: sex. They aren't interested in vulnerable, weak-minded Dorothys; they're challenge-driven.
I've been out with many a Tinman. The most memorable, and coincidentally the most recent, was a manboy I'll call Casanova. On the surface, Casanova was a great catch. He had it all: he was tall, had dark hair, light eyes, and a killer smile.
He had style and was smart, funny, successful, active and bonus: my age. Check! Check! Check! Check!
On our first date, Casanova was absolutely charming; a perfect gentleman. He made reservations after asking me what types of cuisine I enjoyed and during dinner we never lacked for conversation.
We shared a lot of common interests and there were definite sparks. The evening ended with a goodnight kiss that was absolute perfection. Handsome, fun, considerate, intelligent, athletic, AND a good kisser? Be still, my heart! I thought Casanova might have real potential until ... the second date.
On the second date, Casanova's tin began to oxidize and thanks to a few too many glasses of wine, his steel was exposed and began to rust. Casanova spent most of the second date trying to complete my sentences.
He was quite smooth at first but as with all Casanovas, he was a little too smooth. He even mirrored my body language.
After dinner we went to his place for champagne, chocolate, and a brief make-out session on the couch. The champagne must've put him over the edge or maybe it was the blood flow leaving his brain. The rust turned to dust in record time.
In addition to the outpouring of meaningless sweet nothings — "We fit together so well," "I think we may be soul mates," blah, blah, blah — Casanova actually, literally, attempted to mimic my words as I spoke them. Seriously, he was trying to predict the words that would pass my lips AND speak in unison with me.
He lagged so far behind my words that to say it backfired is a gross understatement. The evening ended with him passing out and me trying to control my laughter on the way out the door. Ordinarily, I would've been annoyed at this beyond blatant play but he was so pathetic that all I could do was laugh at his absurdity.
It's clear that this Tinman reads Cosmopolitan and studies books with titles such as, "Get In Her Mind, Get In Her Bed," and, "The Pickup Artist."
Ladies, beware of the Tinman. Casanova was an inexperienced Tinman; freshly divorced, he hadn't yet had time to hone his "skills."
Most Tinmen are willing to take their time and will rarely jump the gun on date two. Their timeframe is based on a rotation, causing them to disappear as they cycle through multiple Dorothys round-robin style.
Keeping your pants on won't guarantee that your Tinman will undergo a heart implant; rotation and time-frame aside, everyone has their limits. After five or six dates, most Tinmen will eventually run out of oil and rust.
As with all rules there are exceptions. I know of a particular Tinman that will float in and out (no pun intended) for as long as it takes and as long as it's tolerated.
So how do we avoid and weed out the Tinmen? Here's my best unsolicited advice in no particular order:
- Take your time, take your time, take your time. I cannot emphasize this enough! A Tinman will not stay in Kansas for long if he feels he has to actually get to know you.
- Listen to your instincts. If he's too good to be true, he's most definitely Tin.
- Timing is everything. Most newly divorced men are temporarily shrouded in Tin. They will eventually visit Oz but they need time to enjoy their new-found freedom and explore on the Yellow Brick Road.
- Vary your dates. Tinmen won't want to do anything other than a dinner date. In a Tinman's mind, dinner/wine = sexy time. So before entertaining the thought of donning your laciest knickers, there should be daytime dates sharing activities of mutual interest.