Putting Porn Use Into Perspective (Hint: It's NOT A Training Guide)

Sex

What porn pressure?

What many people don't understand about porn is that these adult videos are only for entertainment and relaxation. If they're taken too seriously, they can make you stress out over the way you look and/or perform in bed.

Pornography Is Not A Sex For Dummies Guide

While there are many commonalities between porno sex and real-life sex, these are filmed fantasies portrayed by actors who are paid to be there. 

It can be difficult for some people to separate the two, especially when watching these filmed fantasies turns your partner on. It's easy to assume that your partner will enjoy having sex with a porn star with a perfect body and wind up doing certain positions you don't necessarily feel comfortable doing.

Porn Pressure

This stressful situation is something YourTango Experts SVP Melanie Gorman calls "porn pressure".

Melanie sits down with sex therapist and author of She Comes First Dr. Ian Kerner, counseling master sexologist and lifestyle and partnering strategist Natalie Blais, couples and sex therapist Megan Pollock and author and sex therapist Dr. Sonia Borg to discuss this pressure that porn can cause. They explain that this only ignites stress and embarrassment rather than the heat between the sheets.

Here are two stress-relieving ways these Experts say will make your porn-style sex sesh relaxing, fun and VERY steamy:

1. Discuss What Makes You And Your Partner Hot

While you're watching porn, ask what your partner likes instead of assuming. Open up the conversation and make your porn-watching more about what turns you two on.

"A lot of times, I think people will get hung up on what they think is important, and they don't think about what it is that their partner is attracted to," Megan Pollock offers, "As a female, I may think, Oh my gosh! They're so skinny. Their boobs look so great! ... And he's like, Oh, I love the way she does this! ... He's not even looking at [how skinny they are or their boobs]."

2. Make Your OWN Porno

Yes, you heard that right! Try filming your own sexy movie with the faces, positions and fantasy role-playing to make sex fun and comfortable with your partner. Not only will this make you more comfortable with porno sex, but the fun of trying something new (and out of your comfort zone) will also bring you closer together both intimately and emotionally. 

Dr. Sonia Borg aptly advises, "After you've made the porno, go ahead and pay close attention to what really arouses and pleases you because a lot of times, shame keeps arousal at a distance. And so our ego keeps us safe by keeping arousal at a distance ... we never really know what turns us on and makes us go boom. So I feel like shame is a bigger problem than porno is." There's no room for embarrassment in this bed! 

Do you still have a hard time getting comfortable with porn sex? Scroll up to the YourTango Experts video above to hear some more insight from our experts about relaxing ways to leave the stress and embarrassment behind.

 
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