Is the bickering getting out of control? Watch THIS.
It's totally normal to have disagreements within your marriage — they're great opportunities to grow and learn more about your beloved partner. But many people don't know how to skillfully avoid constant bickering.
Your partner knows how to push your buttons and stir up painful emotions and memories you worked SO hard to keep there, and you just want to SCREAM at them!
You may be thinking, Well, my yelling can make my husband hear and understand me better, right? WRONG.
The anger and heated arguments when all h*ll breaks loose are left unresolved because — unsurprisingly! — your screaming matches got you nowhere.
Eventually, the anger and pain will build until it slowly tears you two apart.
In the video above, Host, Founder and CEO of YourTango Andrea Miller talks with creators of Imago Relationship Therapy Dr. Harville Hendrix and Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt, marriage and couples counselor Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, psychologist Dr. Joyce Fine and therapist and counselor Jamie Simkins Rogers about some helpful and caring ways to skillfully end the fighting.
Here are two ways to hear your partner out and find compromise:
1. Step Away From The Situation ... For Now
Sometimes you're so frustrated in an argument that you can't handle the situation or think clearly. It makes you feel crazy! Take a step back, breathe, and promise to return to the argument later with a clear head and the openness to understand your partner's grievances. You'll be more willing to resolve the disagreement if you're calm and better able to articulate your feelings.
Dr. Joyce Fine says, "It takes, ultimately, the belief that your partner does want to hear you, to know that. They do want to know what's going on with you, and you want to hear them. But in this moment, they've reverted back to when they were really young (or something), or they don't feel like they have the skills to get through it. And just taking a break is OK."
2. Be Present (And Retrospective) In Your Marriage
A good way to prevent further angry arguments is to look back on your day with your spouse — give each other feedback. If you or your spouse said or did something hurtful or annoying, discuss it calmly. Try to explain WHY it was so hurtful. You will then be able to forgive and resolve the situation BEFORE that pile of anger builds up.
Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt suggests a great, heartfelt way to do this that she uses with her own husband, Dr. Harville Hendrix: "So I suggested we go to the dime store, and we got a calendar. And at the end of the evening, we began to look at the day and say, 'Did I do anything that was negative to you?' and he would tell me how I had been negative and vice versa. And oh! I learned so much, and that really stuck. And we both really began to strive everyday for a zero-negativity day."
Is the next angry blow up just a ticking time bomb away? Watch the helpful YourTango Experts video above to hear some professional advice about how to skillfully end the arguing in a caring and loving way.