Can you truly look for love in order to find it? Most people you ask would say no.
"I found love when I stopped looking for it," is what most happy people in love say. Quite a smug response don't you think? Now we know that this isn't really true.
Sociological researcher Brene Brown found that vulnerability has a lot to do with finding love.
People who are able to be authentic, and reveal their imperfections that make them feel ashamed, also have loving relationships.
"So very quickly — really about six weeks into this research — I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn't understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame," explains Brown in a TED Talk.
The good news is that everyone is able to get to this place, so the chances of you finding love are good.
"The things I can tell you about it: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it, the more you have it."
So, although we like to put off showing our flaws to the ones we want to love us, we should do it. Vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign that we're human.
And the person you want to love you will certainly appreciate that you aren't afraid to feel. Plus, revealing hidden things about yourself is a great way for someone to get to know you.
You'll have this person falling in love with you in no time.