Ummm ... Excuse me?
I've been dumped a lot. When I was in my 20s I felt like I had a tattoo on my forehead that read "Break Up With Me!" and it was only visible to men.
As it turned out, I just had really bad taste in men.
I chose those who were unavailable — emotionally or otherwise. I've heard every breakup line imaginable. Most were the traditional, "it's not you, it's me,” or "we need a break," which then turned into a breakup.
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But some men get creative when breaking up with a chica! Here are some of the worst breakup lines ever told:
1. I have cancer, and I don't want to put you through that.
We were only together for three months and, although he did have cancer before we met, I wasn't sure if he was pulling the C card to get rid of me. I shook it off. I mean, who would lie about having cancer just to end a relationship?
My ex, that's who. A few months later, I bumped into him at a party, and he was drinking beer! Last I researched (and I did some digging), you aren't supposed to drink when on chemotherapy. Lying bastard!
2. I'm just not meant to be monogamous.
That's what an ex told Charlene, a Bronx Boricua/Dominicana who was not having it. Her response: Are you f-king serious?! I imagine she also threw a chancleta at him.
The guy must have taken that line out of a caveman's manual. 'Cause men just can't commit, you guys! It's in their DNA! Que idiota.
3. I don't know what's going to happen with me and my wife. We should probably just be friends.
"WTF!" That's what Adriana — a writer and chef from Long Island — shouted when an ex broke up with her - because he had a wife! She, of course, had no knowledge of his esposa.
And I hope that his wife is reading this post right now so she knows the truth. Run, chica! Your hubby is a cheating dog.
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4. You're just too much to handle!
This guy must have been a gringo who couldn't take a Latina’s spiciness. Esther, a Mexicana from Los Angeles, heard this excuse from a now ex-boyfriend who she was with for three years. "I told him, 'I’ve been raised with men!'"
That means she speaks up when she wants to and doesn't back down. He couldn't handle it, so his loss!
5. You make too much money, and my role should be that of a provider.
As women, we want a man who will encourage our success. That’s what Shirley from Boston hoped for. After being in a relationship for a year with whom she thought was the love of her life, he dropped her because of what's in her wallet.
"He was intimidated by my career, always was," she admitted, "but I didn't think he'd break up with me because of money."
6. I can't afford gifts for your birthday, but we can get back together after that.
Speaking of men not having enough money, Asia, a Peruvian from Los Angeles, was enraged when her ex guy wanted to take a break on her birthday. "He was cheap and didn't want to buy me a gift," she said. And so he dropped this douchey breakup line.
Needless to say, she didn't take him back after her birthday festivities.
7. I need time to think about my ex and if I want to get back together with her, but I eventually want to get back together with you!
Yes, this happened to me. An ex of mine received a surprise call from his then ex, and he wanted to sort out his feelings. And then rekindle our love. So, he wanted to have his cake and eat it, too. Typical, but at least he didn’t lie about cancer.
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This article was originally published at Latina. Reprinted with permission from the author.