Forget about all those magazine articles and books with wildflowers on their covers that tell you to meditate. Instead, find another man or take up yoga.
Here's your fool-proof plan for getting over your breakup with an ex, in five simple steps:
1. Start (and refer to often) a vision board on Pinterest.
On this vision board, pin all the places you can now go to; you don't have to restrict yourself to places he was interested in. Pin all the redecorating you can now do; you decide whether your décor is based on beach cottages or Duck Dynasty.
Pin new hobbies you want to take up, old hobbies you want to resume, those abs you have time to work for, and the food you can cook that he would've hated. When you're feeling mopey (or you have your finger over his phone number in your contact list), just pull up your vision board and re-center yourself.
2. Do that one thing you never got to do much.
Do that one thing you never got to do because he didn't like it. Buy that one dress that he wouldn't have liked. Rent all the movies only you wanted to see. Call that one friend he couldn't stand and make a lunch date. Better yet, invite her over for dinner and movies.
3. Assess your before and after.
Which dreams, goals, and plans did you set aside when you got with your ex? Which ones are still desirable? Which parts of yourself did you tend to gloss over, or even cover up entirely, because they didn't suit him or your relationship?
Did you want to write a book, move closer to the kids, change jobs, or go back to school? You can do those things now. Did you tuck away your sarcasm, your romanticism, or your love of being alone?
Well, now you can do, have, and be those things again. In other words, you're a person of possibilities. Focus on those and go after them. Pretty soon, he'll just be a part of the old you.
4. Change everything.
You know, when you lose something or someone, people tend to say, "Well, at least you still have ___." Or, "At least ___ is still the same." But you know what "same" reminds you of? The past. Him. The two of you.
I'm not saying to change everything, but change a lot of stuff. Try ordering a different coffee at Starbucks. Take a different route to work. Run in the evening instead of the morning. Take the dog to the other park. Sleep on the other side of the bed, or move the bed to the other side of the room. Eat with the good dishes and get rid of the old ones.
When you start developing new routines, and doing new things in new places, you know what happens? You start living a life that didn't used to have him in it.
5. Devote a month to yourself.
Give yourself one month in which you focus on you — what you want, what you want to do, who you want to be, and how you want to look. Dream, then plan, then take steps.
Even if all you do in this one month is focus on your wants and needs, you will come out of it focused on something besides him. You will be focused on you.
The best way to get over a broken heart isn't to find someone else to make it better; it's to find all the possibilities that make this life better than the one you think you lost.
This article was originally published at www.unomum.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.