Hopefully, your relationship is one of them.
By Stan Tatkin — Written on May 29, 2015
How do you define secure, functioning relationships? Is it one where both partners remain faithful? Is it one built on trust and honesty? Or, is it one with mind-blowing intimacy?
A relationship with those qualities is great, as all are vital for keeping the bond with your partner strong. But what about the true dynamic between couples? How do you and your partner communicate?
Perhaps you and your partner have constant marital disagreements about small things, like the type of wine you want the waiter to bring you for your dinner conversation at a nice restaurant. Or, maybe you pick at each other while shopping together for patio furniture.
You hear what the other person has to say about his or her preferences, but are you really listening?
You want red wine, and your wife wants red, but you insist that you hate the taste of white. Or, your husband has his eye on a patio set, but you prefer a different wood pattern, which you make clear to him when you incessantly repeat your thoughts.
Both instances are aggressive, and it's pretty evident that these couples are having trouble understanding and truly listening to each other.
It can be easy to dismiss the opinions and feelings of your partner, especially if you've been together for a long time. Compromise goes right out the window over time, and you rest in the comfort you've created in your relationship. This makes it impossible for your relationship to move forward on the path of success.
In an article from Psych Central about lack of communication in relationships, author Lauren Suval's interview with Anna Solo, a freelance photojournalist, reveals that "There's a difference between being shy and being a bad communicator, and if someone can't communicate well or can't push themselves to from the beginning, what other foundation can there be for a good relationship? There's no way to cultivate a healthy relationship if you can't discuss things."
So, what exactly is the point of remaining together if one or both partners cannot listen or discuss without taking offense, threatened, or feeling too comfortable in the relationship to the point where words flow in one ear and out the other?
Stan Tatkin, psychologist, explores three fundamentals that all strong relationships are based on, and explores how proper relationships with good communication remove relationship fears from the equation completely.
Watch the video above and let us know: is YOUR relationship a secure, functioning one?
