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Come join us! We hear Hell is beautiful in the winter.
By Samantha Maffucci — Written on May 18, 2015
Everyone turns to some kind of vice to find inner strength, usually to guide us through the tough times. Many people turn to religion, which is great; we're all different and believe in different things.
What's not so great is using outdated texts as a basis for a lifestyle. And Leviticus (the Jewish bible) takes this to a whole new level. (You'd be surprised at how many "sins" are punishable by death, a large amount from being stoned to death.)
These 15 things are banned in the Bible. How many are YOU guilty of?
1. Carelessly making an oath (5:4). "Yes, dear, I'll take out the trash."
2. Letting your hair become unkempt (10:6). It's almost June and your hair is a ball of frizz from the humidity. You might as well get used to feeling like you're engulfed in flames because there's no chill factor in Hell.
3. Mixing fabrics in clothing (19:19). Guess we should stick to denim on denim then?
4. Trimming your beard (19:27). This calls for No Shave November year-round!
5. Failing to testify against any wrongdoing you’ve witnessed (5:1). I guess me not telling that woman in Starbucks about her horrible outfit is sinful? Sh*t.
6. Lying (19:11). Remember all those times you told your friend her cooking was good just to spare her feelings? NO MORE.
7. Turning to mediums or spiritualists (19:31). Sorry, Theresa Caputo.
8. Touching an unclean animal (5:2). Yep, no more petting stray animals or going to petting zoos! You probably also shouldn't pet your cats when they haven't cleaned themselves all day, those filthy animals.
9. Having sex with a man "as one does with a woman" (18:22). Oh no, what will homosexuals do in Hell ... surrounded only by other homosexuals!? You win, God.
10. Eating fruit from a tree within four years of planting it (19:23). So much produce ... wasted.
11. Marrying your wife’s sister while your wife still lives (18:18). But if the wife DOESN'T live there, it's fine?
12. Failing to include salt in offerings to God (2:13). Maybe God is trying to reduce his sodium intake, jeez.
13. Making idols or "metal gods" (19:4). Quick, throw your Buddha statues away!
14. Perverting justice, showing partiality to either the poor or the rich (19:15). Good news is those pricks on Capitol Hill are going where they deserve to be.
15. Getting tattoos (19:28). Welp, looks like 21 percent of the population is going to Hell! Hey, less traffic for my commute in the morning.