Following this code of conduct is a MUST.
From insane workloads to crazy co-workers, you two have been through the trenches ... and it's only Tuesday! She's your right-hand woman and the one person you look forward to seeing each and every day, even when you're still hungover from last night's happy hour. Yes, we are talking about your work bestie, the keeper of secrets and safety pins and sanity (and one of your best friends). Mine happens to be a feisty, brilliant, beautiful Aussie with a knack for calming me down when I go from 0-60 and reminding me of the jail time when someone really gets under my skin.
Here we lay out 15 rules for being a great work wife to yours:
1. Share the stash. There will be a drawer in which certain non-work items — hairspray, KIND bars, nail polish and other essentials — will be placed. While you may purchase these items, they really belong to the both of you.
2. Hate the common enemy. That hag in accounting who did the massive eye-roll at her four-inch pumps? Dead. To. You.
3. Veto all bad ideas related to her birthday celebration, thanks. No stale cupcakes and balloons, thanks.
4. Take her secrets to the grave. Perhaps your work bestie made out with the guy three floors below and you see him in the elevator. You are not to share this information, even with yourself.
5. Cover her ass! There will be times when your work bestie will run late, or perhaps these times occur often. It's still your job as the work bestie to occupy the tattletale co-workers while she sneaks in.
6. Text inappropriately. Hilarious WhatsApp digs in long, boring meetings? Check.
7. Hit the bar for a therapy sesh. There will come a day in which you will be forced to cancel your plans, leave the office slightly early and head straight to the bar without speaking. That day will be known as "Wednesday."
8. Prepare for wardrobe malfunctions. When they happen, it's your job to find a safety pin, a needle and thread, or a whole new pair of pants.
9. Never expect a co-pay ... for the serious therapy sessions you will need to lead in order to keep her from a) quitting, b) tossing her coffee on the creep in accounting, or c) going back to her d*ckhead ex.
10. Help her avoid annoying clients and exes."No, I am sorry, she's not available. May I take a message?"
11. Know when and with whom you can break bread
12. Assist in overanalyzing. "Can you please come to my desk and analyze this text exchange before I respond?"
13. Go off the record. You will often get a call in which you hear only "Gchat, please," at which time you will log on and receive 100 frantic, all-cap sentences of your bestie sharing her disdain for something said or done seconds ago (or happening in real time). Don't respond to these messages, as it will break her tirade, and if you should dare disagree during said tirade, it is treason.
14. NEVER judge. Ever. You are not to judge her stalking any of her exes, or new partners of exes, on company time at ANY time.
15. Remember that you are in this together. Her panic over a last-minute presentation will have you at the printer until 10PM. Your freak out over getting too drunk at the holiday party will have her doing damage control like Reese Witherspoon's PR team. Should you think of quitting for another job, you will find her in the bathroom sobbing with the wine she snuck into the office for you two to drink out of coffee cups at 5PM.
Brenda Della Casa is the Author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Managing Editor of Preston Bailey, A Huffington Post Blogger and the Founder of BDC Life In Style. She is usually found in the gym hitting the speed bag to Eminem, having a wine-down with friends or writing with her beloved Chihuahua, Tony Che Montana, by her side. Twitter: @BrendaDellaCasa Instagram: @BrendaDellaCasa Facebook: BrendaDellaCasa