Should You *Really* Put Your Kids Before Your Husband? [VIDEO]

Love, Family

You always make your kids a priority but at what expense?


As a parent, making your kids your first priority is second nature. In fact, putting their needs and happiness before your own—without hesitation—is often as easy as breathing.

But for many, the repercussions of all of this unconditional love bestowed upon your children has one unfortunate side effect. Your husband feels left out in the cold. His needs are no longer important especially in the light of the little one(s).

Truth is, for many couples, unconditional devotion to their children, even in the most loving sense, can also leave them with a boring or non-existent sex life.

How did things go so terribly wrong?

The truth (and the good news here) is that for many this issue is really one of mistaken priorities. In an effort to take care of the neediest in the family, we unknowing sacrifice the needs of the most stable one, namely our partner.  

When done occasionally, this isn't a big deal.  But once this kind of behavior becomes a habit it can be very hard to break.

In many marriages the pattern may be that although you cherish your marriage, you have no idea where to begin to fix things since it's been eons since you've thought about sex, let alone enjoyed it.

So, here's the rub.

You can't connect with your partner—intimately or emotionally—if you're always busy worrying about the kids. It's just impossible. It may seem like the right (and parental) thing to do, but the only thing this accomplishes is putting a strain on your marriage.

YourTango's Senior VP Melanie Gorman, Writer and Couple's Therapist Ian Kerner, author Dr. Sonia Borg, Lifestyle and Parenting Strategist Natalie Blais and Couples and Sex Therapist Megan Pollock make the perfect case for why having a healthy sex life can actually improve your relationship with your kids.

To give you a hint about how important this video is, listen to what Megan Pollock has to say a little more than 2 minutes in.

She says "The child [is] a representative of the relationship. And then the child comes and all of a sudden, we become child-centered. Now the family is about the child, and that's not what we set out for."

Everyone tells you that the golden rule of parenthood is that your children must always be your main focus. But at what expense?

We're here to tell you that unquestionably as a parent, the hardest thing to do is to find the strength to balance out the needs of your children against the needs of your spouse as well as those of your own.  

Parenting on many levels is a great exercise in trying to do it all and failing. Sometimes miserably. But, the silver lining is that in a good marriage, you can rely on your spouse to help get you on your feet. You just can't make it work by always sacrificing the intimate needs in your marriage for the "sake of your children". 

That. Never. Works.

Still not convinced?  Science backs up this claim time and again.

According to The Wallstreet Journal,  "A couples' satisfaction with their marriage takes a nose dive after the first child is born...About two-thirds of couples see [their satisfaction with] their relationship drop within three years of the birth of a child."

That percentage is staggering.

So listen to our Experts' advice. Actively work on improving the intimacy between you and your husband; it will make a major difference in how you interact with each other, and change your family dynamics for the better.

Our advice, don't let your marriage suffer because you pay too much to your kids at the expense of your marriage.  In the proverbial bank of love, there is enough to go around for everyone IF you think wholistically budget your time and energy in a more equitable right way.


Explore YourTango